Our New Delhi apartment

Just in time for Thanksgiving, please enjoy this short video of our new apartment in New Delhi. Leave a comment and let us know what you think!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

5 easy (and effective) ways to brighten someone else's day

I mentioned in an earlier post on having impact that as we go through our day, there are simple things we can do to be intentional in our relationships with others. I wanted to elaborate on that a little more by giving you some very basic gestures to implement in your day-to-day goings.

So here are the 5 easy and effective ways I use to connect with those around me during the day:

1. It doesn't cost you to give a compliment.

Remember the times when you were little and your teacher would compliment your work on an assignment? Or when you got a hive-5 from your coach on a good play? What about recently when your boss recognized you in front of your team or organization?

The times when we've been praised for a job well done are easy to remember. They're the small shining treasures we're proud of and we feel good about. They give us confidence for the days when we don't hear that "thank you" for our hard work.

By contrast, how often do we get told when we're not doing our job? For each time we can remember being recognized for our hard work, I bet most of us can remember five other times when we were not recognized. Ouch.

A lot of times we think we don't need to say "thank you" when someone is doing something they're already expected to do. While I think there are a lot of instances where that's true, I also think it's important to acknowledge that no one has to do anything for you or anyone else. I believe there is a balance between being entitled and being grateful. Sure, a waiter is expected to bring food to my table when I eat out, but I'm still thankful for his service - even if it's an already expected part of his job.

In a case study done by COLLOQUY, a loyalty marketing research and consulting network, they found that we're more likely to vocalize our negative experiences than our positive ones:

"75% of the general population said that when they’ve had a bad experience with a product or service they advise friends and family. That surpasses the 42% who said they always recommend a product or service they really like; the 71% who said they’re always looking to experience something new; and the 67% who said they love telling people about something new they’ve learned."^{[Hickman, Jill, and Wardah Malik. "Urban Legends: Word-of-Mouth Myths, Madvocates and Champions." COLLOQUY TalkTalk. LoyaltyOne. Cincinnati, OH. March 2011. Reading.]}

So it makes you wonder, how often do companies and individuals like our friends, family, and spouses get to hear when they've actually done something right?

Why don't we try something different? The next time you have a good experience, pay attention. Look at the person's name tag who is helping or serving you. Make mental notes and find a few attributes you really liked about the person helping you. Then, highlight those attributes and your experience in a note or phone call to their boss. If you're short on time, many restaurants and businesses have online feedback forms where you can submit your thoughts. It only takes 5 - 10 minutes at most to leave a quick note. And if you need more motivation, some companies will even mail you gift cards to their store or free meal vouchers at their restaurant.

Michael and I once submitted positive feedback on Macaroni Grill's website regarding our waitress. Within 2-3 weeks, we had a personal letter from customer relations and a $25 food gift certificate, thanking us for taking the time to share our experience. That's was basically a free meal for 4 sentences and 5 minutes of our time. Talk about a compliment that didn't cost us anything!

2. Smile like you mean it.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to gravitate towards people who smile more? Or how many of us go out of our way to get the sales associate who's smiling when we have a question about a product, simply because we think they'll be more helpful?

So what's in a smile that something so small can cause us to react in such overt ways? In an article published by Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson titled "What's embodied in a smile?" they wrote that:
"... displays of amusement and pride were signaled by smiles, but that amused smiles tended to be open-mouthed, whereas smiles of pride had compressed lips. In contrast, awe was typically expressed with raised eyebrows and a slightly open mouth, but not with smiles. This study highlights that there is likely more than one kind of smile and that different smile configurations may communicate different affective states."[Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson (2010). What's embodied in a smile?. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33 , pp 457-458 doi:10.1017/S0140525X10001597]

It seems our smiles can literally speak volumes about what we're experiencing internally. Have you thought about what your smile (or lack thereof) is saying to those around you?

A strong, genuine smile makes you feel valuable and important. Conversely, a forced or fake smile can create tension or even hurt someone's feelings. A study from The University of Miami even learned that people who experience rejection might be able to better distinguish a fake smile from the real thing. They hypothesize this is because those who are aquatinted with rejection eventually learn cues that indicate insincerity, which helps them identify when to avoid wasting energies on potentially harmful relationships.[1]

Now really, how many times does someone have to experience rejection before they develop skills for telling the difference between a genuine smile and an insincere smile - all so they won't be hurt? It makes me incredibly sad to think this is life for some people, and particularly here in India among the Dalits and others in poverty. This is an area of innocence that no one should loose. A child learns to trust that a smile means care, love and security. When does that unguarded trust turn to suspicion? I pray we all try to be more aware of our own authenticity in our actions and smiles.

Unfortunately, however, fake smiling doesn't just affect those who have experienced rejection. It can have some pretty big impacts internally for you too. Another study published in the Academy of Management Journal, researchers Brent Scott and Christopher Barnes discovered that fake smiling can actually be worse for you than not smiling at all. In a practice labeled "surface acting", they discovered that employees who were required to "put on a face" for their boss were prone to burn out and in some cases depression.[2]

The need to put on a face to impress typically comes from insecurity. But we are very limited creatures and our well of life only runs so deep, so we can only keep up the performance for so long. To change this we have to look externally to an infinite and pure resource to meet our need. In his very self, Jesus offers an eternal resource of living water that never runs dry or leaves you feeling empty. There is nothing lacking in you when you are filled with Him. When He's living in your heart, you won't be smiling because you have to anymore, you'll suddenly be smiling because you can't help yourself!

The bottom line is that smiling is one of those tiny actions that has huge impact. The next time you're out shopping, meeting new people, ordering food or even talking over the phone, be aware that your smile is affecting those around you just as much as it's affecting you.

So do yourself and others a favor and smile like you mean it!

3. If they matter, remembering their name matters.

Obviously, I believe that human beings are all created in the image of God and because of that, each and everyone of us is valuable independent of what we may think.

So by saying that everyone matters, am I'm saying that everyone deserves having their name remembered?

Well... yes.

Honestly, this really isn't that difficult to do, especially considering most people you run across on a day-to-day basis will have a name tag, name plate or business card to identify them. For everyone else, you'll just have to do it the old fashion way by asking and remembering!

You know that lady who ALWAYS checks you out at the grocery store? You know, the one with the short, brown, stringy hair? Yeah, her name is Wendy. But you knew that already didn't you? And how did you know that? Her name tag.

So now that you knew her name, the next time instead of averting eye-contact by fumbling around in your purse or pretending to be more interested at the trash magazines beside you, ask Wendy how she's doing. She probably won't share a whole lot the first time, but listen for key details. Then the next time you're in there, let Wendy know it's good seeing her again and bring up a few of the things she mentioned last time. It will show her you genuinely care and she'll begin to open up a little more each and every time.

Heck, she may even begin to like scanning that stinky cheese and fish you always buy.

We all want to feel special, and whether we like our name or not, a bit of our identity is attached to it. Remembering a person's name is like saying, "I know there are 7 billion people on this planet, but you're important to me and you matter!"

4. Please just shut up and listen.

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut." -  Albert Einstein

Have you ever been pouring your heart out about a really frustrating problem, only to have the "listener" TELL you what you need to do? Or worse, they end up telling you how you ought to feel, basically making your emotional experience illegitimate?

Next they'll somehow turn your vent session around to focus on them and their personal problems. Before you know it, you're somehow consoling the person who's supposed to be consoling you!

I sheepishly admit to being that person on more than one occasion. And I'm sure there's been several times I've made people want to ask: "Ashley, will you please just shut up and listen?!"

I read once that if you want to persuade someone you're a good friend, then be quiet and listen. Unfortunately, listening is not a strength for most of us. But with some practice and refocusing, we can all learn to become better listeners.

The first step to being a good listener involves, you guessed it: learning how to listen! Too often we're more focused on getting to say what's on our mind than paying attention to the other person talking. Often times, what a person doesn't say communicates a lot more than what they do say. But when we're not fully invested in the person in front of us, we may end up missing those subtle details or hidden information. Listening involves taking the focus off of yourself and giving your full attention to the person speaking.

Christian philosopher Greg Koukl once shared in a lecture that if you want people to think you're interesting, ask questions! So the second step to being a better listener is to ask relevant questions. And asking questions actually helps you as much as it helps the person talking because it keeps you engaged in the conversation and it communicates interest in the speaker.

Then, depending on the conversation or person, there may be an opportunity to give advice or feedback -- but don't be surprised if some people are just happy to have someone listen to them.

To give you an example, last year Michael and I spent the weekend together with some friends in Arkansas at a healing conference. In the evening we went out to a Wal-Mart to heal people in Jesus' name. We were able to minister to several people, but just before leaving, Michael and I saw a lady in a motorized cart. Since we were in "healing mode" we weren't anticipating that maybe this woman just needed someone to listen when we initially approached her.

It turned out, she did have an illness and some pain, but she had recently moved to Arkansas with no family or friends, and the family she did have wouldn't speak to her. So in this case taking the time to let this woman vent and cry meant more to her than not having to use her motorized cart. Listening was the most loving thing we could have done.

Which leads me to the third step in becoming a good listener: Being a good listener means being flexible.

Listening is a full-time job, and you have to be ready in and out of season. I'm not saying let people "dump" on you all the time and use you to justify their unhealthy behaviors. I'm saying be giving in your time and flexible in your actions. Meaning, give people the time of day and don't give canned responses. We're all individuals with unique needs at different times in our life. Can you give 100% of your time to every single person on the planet, obviously the answer is no. But with healthy boundaries, you can at least give some of your listening time to those you encounter day-to-day.

By giving your full attention, asking the right questions, and being sensitive to where that person is at you'll become an effective listener, and through love, bring comfort to someone's day.

5. Being loyal does not mean you have to be a creeper.

Building a relationship takes time - something that most of us seriously lack. Fortunately with a little more intentionality and focus, you can build relationships with people practically anywhere you go.

The moment most of us left high school or college, making friends instantly became very difficult. The bubble that gave context and routine to our friendships popped with graduation, and despite all the oaths, swearing and promises we made - we eventually lost touch with most folks.

We enter the "real world" guaranteed with less structure, similarities and time than we had while in school. Suddenly we don't have to have lunch or class with the same people everyday. Sure you work with the same people seven days a week, but you quickly learn that you're not necessarily obligated to interact with them in meaningful ways. And it's that convenient little option that, while freeing at first, can eventually shut you off to making new friends.

So now when you get off work and stop in by the convenient store, you maintain that same attitude: "I have my own tasks to take care of and I'm not obligated to interact with anyone outside of my bubble." So you get your cigarettes, pay for your gas and treat the cashier just like a program on your computer. You insert cash and get back a product.

Let's say this is the case for you. Every day, for the next three years, you make a stop at this particular convenient store on your way home. If we were to multiply the average number of working days in the U.S. (260) by those three years, that means you could potentially be visiting this convenient store 780 times. That's 780 times you could have the opportunity to learn the cashier's name, how his day went, how his kids are doing, or what his plans were for the weekend. That might even be enough time to figure out if you even like the guy or not!

Whether this is your routine or not, my point is, it doesn't take being a complete stalker to get to know someone. If you like buying lotto tickets, try going to the same gas station that's on your way home and getting to know the cashier. Like coffee? Visit the same coffee shop before you go into work in the mornings and have a little small talk with the barista. Was that frozen yogurt last Friday night amazing? Go back next Friday, and this time, invite your friends and introduce them to the manager. (By the way, Michael and I have actually done this and scored free yogurt and coupons in the process.)

By practicing loyalty to a certain location or person you allow for an increased opportunity for relationship. I'm not saying break the bank by driving to the other side of town and ordering a mocha frape maximum grande every single day of the week. I'm saying as you go look for occasions to build a relationship with people you already come into contact with.

Michael and I like coffee. As in really like coffee. Hold the Starbucks, if you please - we want the good stuff. We've invested in different specialty brewers, grinders and we occasionally even roast our own beans. So does it make sense for us to go out and spend $56 a week on coffee when we have everything we need to make an amazing cup at home? Of course not. But once a week or so, on our date night, we make a visit to a local coffee shop. Why? Because $8 a week is worth a friendship or at least getting to know someone a little better.

Take for instance the story I shared about the woman at the coffee shop in Houston. Michael and I have made it a point to visit this particular coffee shop at least once every time we're in Houston. And because of that effort, it's opened up a realm of influence into the owner's life. So much so that she's cried on our shoulder and we've been able to pray with her. All that just from taking time to talk to her like a human being and not a coffee-making robot.

There are probably countless ways you can build relationship with people. Be creative and think of those you already have regular contact with that no one else does. Is it the elderly lady that walks her dog when you run every night? Is it the Post Office clerk that works every Friday when you go to mail your bills? Is it the homeless man on that one intersection right before you turn onto the highway? Is there someone who needs compliment or smile that I'm in a unique position to give? Is there someone worth remembering their name and who needs me to listen when no one else will?

Contrary to what some may still think, this kind of an effort doesn't make you a weirdo. It may make you an exception to the hundreds of other people that walk through a person's life - but it does not make you creepy. You just need to ask yourself: If you don't care to be loyal and make an investment in that person's life, who else will?

The place where everybody knows your name.

Just reading those words instantly bring the melody of the theme song from Cheers to mind.

We all want to believe there's a place for us in the world. A place with genuine smiles, friends, laughter and warmth. A place where we can catch a break and let our guard down. And I think that's the reason so many of us warm up to the song "Where Everybody Knows Your Name".

I believe the Church should be that place for the world. (And by Church, I mean the living, breathing, moving Body of Christ - not necessarily the fixed structure made of four walls and a steeple.)

I believe as the walking, talking Body of Jesus we can be the place where people come to meet with a familiar friend, one who knows their name and listens when they had a bad day. Sinners and tax collectors wanted to be around Jesus. They felt comfortable around him because he gave them the time of day. He didn't treat them like a bunch of hopeless, unlawful scumbags. He treated them like human beings who were desperately loved by an all good and all wonderful Father.

Can people say that they feel comfortable around you, just like Jesus? Can people say that they feel special when they're around you, just like Jesus? Can people say they see Jesus when they see you?

As an ambassador in chains to the Gosepl (Jesus), the answer to all those questions should be yes, yes, yes! If not, maybe it's time to reevaluate who we're reflecting and adjust our mirrors to see Jesus!

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.  You wanna be where everybody knows Your name. You wanna go where people know, people are all the same. You wanna go where everybody knows your name..."

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1. Association for Psychological Science. "Phony Friends? Rejected People Better Able To Spot Fake Smiles." ScienceDaily, 24 Oct. 2008. Web. 22 Nov. 2011.
2. Michigan State University. "For a better workday, smile like you mean it." ScienceDaily, 22 Feb. 2011. Web. 21 Nov. 2011.

An Update & A Video

So three weeks and twenty-five apartments later (yes, we actually looked at twenty-five apartments), we think we finally have a new place to call home.

As of this morning, Michael's company notified us that the two additional apartments we submitted were accepted and approved. Still not clear on a move-in date, but we anticipate within a month we will be able to move into the apartment we put down as our first choice. (Pictures and/or video to follow soon).

Michael also received an email update on our ocean shipment of personal belongings. So, if like us, you want to know where in the world our stuff is, click here to track the progress of our cargo vessel, the OOCL Atlanta!

The estimated date of our crate's arrival in Mumbai is December 14th. So, that's cutting it a bit close to Christmas, which means we may be waiting until the absolute last minute to make definite plans for coming home.

Keep coming back for more posts on Diwali, moving in to our new place and a life in the day of us Americans here in Delhi!

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For now, I'll leave you with a video that will totally rock your day... Never forget you are a representative of the living God to the glory of His Son, Jesus the Christ:

(You can find more of Pete's videos here and follow his blog by clicking this link.)

House Hunters International: New Delhi Blog Edition

Deviating slightly from my normal posts, I thought I'd share how our apartment search is going in the spirit of one of our favorite programs: "House Hunters International". (We are obviously in no way affiliated with HGTV or the House Hunters International show, this post serves only as an entertaining means to share our apartment viewing experience!)

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On this episode of House Hunters International: Meet Michael and Ashley, a young couple transferring their residence from suburban Overland Park, Kansas to the bustling, captial city of New Delhi, India.

Michael, who works as a operations manager for a global cellular network provider, and his wife Ashley are looking for a place that meets the company's budget while retaining some of their familiar western amenities.

They've been given 30 days to find a place they like, which may seem like plenty of time, but in a city of 22.2 million people, finding an apartment that gives them breathing room may be easier said than done.

Their wishlist: They have requested to see flats located on the top floor for safety and privacy. They're hoping to find a three to four bedroom apartment with updated bathrooms, a nice balcony or private terrace to get away from the busy city-life, and a kitchen with plenty of cabinet space for all of Ashley's cooking and bakeware.

Will the "Land of Color" present more cultural barriers than they bargained for? And will they be able find a place that agrees with their tastes and with their company's budget? Or will they have to make some big adjustments in their expectations?

Their real-estate agent, is an Indian native and experienced in working with expatriates and foreigners. She has selected properties for them to look at located throughout the New Friends Colony, Maharani Bagh, and Defense Colony areas. Let's take a look:

Apartment #1: The "Sweet" Balcony
The first flat today is located in Maharani Bagh. The property is seven years old with three bedrooms, three baths and 2,000 square feet. It's nestled in a quiet location near the fly-over that connects directly into Noida, where Michael will be working. Maharani Bagh is a calm area and home to a relatively large retirement community. Michael and Ashley seem to think they'll get a long well here, but what will they think of their first property in this foreign place? (Click on the pictures for a larger view)

(Yes, that would be a man peeing in some bushes in the top-left corner
of this photo.)

Outside of the property.

Just inside the property, the flat we'll be
seeing is on the second floor.

The entry way and front door.

The main hallway.

Living and dining area (the wiring is for an AC unit).

Kitchen.

Master bedroom

Master closet room.

Master bathroom.

Balcony outside of the master bedroom. (Connected to Guest Bedroom #1)

Additional views outside of the balcony.

A grassy area on the ground floor of the property.

Guest bedroom #2 (pic 1).

Guest bedroom #2 (pic 2).

Guest bathroom #2 (the appliance attached to
the wall is a water heater, every bathroom will
have one).

Terrace and servant's quarters (terrace has option for our exclusivity).

Their Reactions:
Michael: "This place had a sweet balcony!"
Ashley: "The bedrooms are on the small side, and I'm not in love with the kitchen, but it has potential."

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Apartment #2: A Peptol Bismol Paradise

Property number two comes with three bedrooms and three baths and 2,100 square feet. It's a top floor flat settled in the posh district of Defense Colony. Real estate comes at a premium here as foreigners and Delhitians alike flock to the area for it's updated apartment floor plans and amenities. Nearby Lajpat Nagar is a favorite market among locals and the proximity to some of Delhi's most popular restaurants makes this an ideal location. But will an appealing location be enough to overlook some of this property's more "colorful" qualities?

The entryway and main living area.

Kitchen.

The prison bars outside the kitchen.

Somebody let the landlord know, they missed this room.

Bedoom #1.

Bathroom #1.

Bedoom #2.

Bathroom #2.

Bedroom #3

Bathroom #3 (pic 1).

Bathroom #3 (pic 2).

Their reactions:

Michael: "Well... chalta hai."

Ashley: "It looks like Holi came here and celebrated pink all over the walls."

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Apartment #3: The Penthouse

Situated in New Friend's Colony, apartment number three has four bedrooms and four baths with 2,800 square feet of space. Another top floor unit; it includes a common roof-top terrace for the building. New Friends Colony is a less lively area than Defense Colony, but still conveniently located near to the DND-Flyover Michael will use on his commute to Noida. But will the want for larger private balconies and possible water damage keep Michael and Ashley at bay?

Entry gate leading onto the property.

Parking garage on the ground floor.

The door for the stairwell and lift, taking you inside the building.

Front door and entryway.

Living or dining area.

Looking back on the living and dining area facing the front door.

Kitchen.

More of the kitchen (look to the ceiling, above
the cabinets for possible water damage).

Prayer room.

Hallway coming from the bedrooms, looking
back towards the living room, kitchen and
front door.

Bedroom #1.

Bathroom #1.

Bedroom #2.

Bathroom #2.

Bedroom #3.

Bathroom #3.

Bedroom #4.

Bathroom #4.

View of the roof-top terrace (common and not exclusive).

Another view of the rooftop terrace.

Their reactions:

Michael: "I like this place, it has a good feel and layout."

Ashley: "Me too, I think it's been my favorite so far. I'm just really concerned about the water damage in the kitchen."

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So which one will they choose? Apartment one has a convenient location, three bedrooms and an accommodating personal balcony. But Ashley isn't too keen on the bedroom sizes or age of the building.

Apartment number two had updated bathrooms and an unique open kitchen into the living area. But getting the walls repainted may be prove to be difficult in negotiations with the landlord.

And lastly, apartment number three was a spacious top floor unit, complete with updated bathrooms and an appealing layout. However, it lacked the balconies Michael and Ashley were hoping for and the  prospect of water damage in the kitchen may turn out to make this property more trouble than it's worth.

Find out after we return...