My blog has moved.

Here is my blog's new address: http://ashleycrist.com

I will be keeping this page up for some time, but this will be my last post on this page.

I look forward to sharing updates with you on my new site.

Thanks,
Ash

Thankful Thursdays: Thunderstorms

I love thunderstorms. I always want to cozy up and make a hot drink while watching them come through.

I like how the sky gets dark and closes in. I like sitting indoors and hearing the thunder. And I enjoy the sound of the rain coming down outside.

My favorite storms are the cold fronts that come in right as the seasons are changing from winter to spring. In Houston it never gets very cold, but right before it rains, the temperature still drops enough to feel a change in the air.

After I moved to Kansas, I could really tell the difference between spring thunderstorms and fall thunderstorms. The ones in the spring can get pretty violent, and sometimes produce tornadoes. Fall storms bring a lot more of those slow, steady rains.

And the smell of the rain during spring has a freshness, whereas in the fall it's more crisp.

You don’t get thunderstorms very often in Delhi, even during the monsoons, so I definitely miss them a lot here. I hope that where ever we move next has a rainier climate so I can enjoy stormy days indoors again.

Homesick

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.” - C.S. Lewis, from The Problem of Pain

I get pretty homesick here in New Delhi.

I'm not sure what triggers it, but I think it's mainly just a craving I get for things that are familiar.

Sometimes I'll think about Houston and all the places that I like visit when I'm there. 

Or sometimes I'll think about my mother-in-law's place, where it's surrounded by nature and quiet. 

Other times I'll think about our old apartment in Kansas City, with all the bike trails nearby and how close it was to all the places we liked to eat and shop.

In my heart I'll feel a longing for these places. I want to go back and live there again. I want to hear the familiar quiet, smell the familiar smells, and see the familiar things.

I want to be back where I'm comfortable and I know my way around. I want to be where I know all the best places to buy groceries, where I can anticipate the change in seasons, and where I know what to expect from the culture.

But during our last trip to the US, as I was enjoying being home for a little while, I couldn't shake this thought: "No matter how much I may miss the US, the US is not my home."

Yes, it's true.

America is a beautiful and blessed country. And I'm thankful to have been lived twenty-five out of twenty-six years of my life in such a prosperous nation.

But it's not my home.

It's as temporary a dwelling place as India. A fleeting shadow. And I'm just as much a foreigner there as I am here in India.

I have a more secure and permanent home hidden in the person of Jesus.

And as much as I long to be "home", Jesus is aching to find His home in me too. When He was with his disciples He told them He had no place to rest His head. (Mt. 8:20)

We're both homesick. And we can only find our true homes in one another.

It's just like Jesus said: if we dwell in Him, He will also dwell in us. (Jn 15:4)

So as much as I ache to be physically back in the US, what I'm really aching for is the fullness of the Kingdom to be made manifest. Because my true home, united and alive in Christ, is being continually built up for all eternity.

Singapore

View of Singapore's skyline from Marina Bay.

Michael and I just got back from Singapore this past Sunday.

I enjoyed Singapore. In so many ways it's a complete 180〫from Delhi. For it's size and population density, there's hardly any traffic or pollution. And the amount of greenery is amazing.

It's really impressive to see how they've made the most of the limited space and resources they have.

But for all the things I liked about Singapore, I enjoyed the time we spent with a couple of our friends the most.

It made me think about the value that relationships have, and how without relationships, our lives are incredibly empty.

No matter whether we're in a pristine a city like Singapore or a chaotic scramble like Delhi, life is only meaningful when it's lived out in relationship with Jesus and those around us.

Sharing dinner and dessert with our friends.

I confess, I've left Jesus out of a lot of my traveling experiences. And as much as I've enjoyed all the places we've been able to visit, without Him, I've only been appreciating them at a superficial level.

But Jesus is more alive than any man and the only one who truly knows how to live life to the fullest. If He's not the focus, what's the point?

And if I really want my heart to be fully alive and living in the present, I need be in relationship with the Lord and invite Him into my experiences abroad.

Thankful Thursdays: Autumn

Taken outside Yellow Farmhouse Winery in Defiance, MO.

The official first day of Autumn in the US was September 22nd this year.

By now, at home they're experiencing cool, crisp evenings, the smells of apple cider, spiced nuts and fruits, and restaurants are offering pumpkin-flavored this or that.

I love it when I walk into Hobby Lobby and that country, crafty aroma hits me first thing. It's like heaven being in their store. The combination of cinnamon, cloves, and orange-cranberry candles is divine.

Autumn's the beginning of baking season, which means I get to bake and eat as much pumpkin pie as I can manage.

It's also when I get to start wearing all my favorite scarves and sweaters. Then in the evenings, when Michael and I watch movies, we'll snuggle up with hot tea and blankets.

In September, the trees in Kansas usually start to turn colors. It may not be as pretty as other places in America, but after growing up in Houston, I always thought it was special.

Right before Michael and I moved to India, most of our things were getting boxed up for storage or for shipping. We kept our bikes out for as long as we could. Almost every evening we took them out and rode along various bike trails or through nearby neighborhoods. It was probably the most memorable thing we did before we moved… and it’s probably the thing I miss the most.

There really isn’t a Fall season here in Delhi, so I’ll miss it again this year, but I’m thankful for it all the same.

Autumn really is my favorite time of the year.

Blaming

Several weeks ago, I had been spending quite a bit of time whining and complaining about living here in Delhi. After a few minutes of going on and on, God finally asked me: "What will you do when you don't have India to blame anymore?"

I felt like I had just been woken up. And then I thought back to all the other occasions in my life where I went looking for people or things to blame. Talk about an unattractive personality trait.

I started to wonder where that came from and why I always felt the need to look outwards for scapegoats.

I traced a lot of it back to a feeling of helplessness and lack of control.

In the case of being here in India, I feel completely at the mercy of the people, the places and the culture. I don't always know where I'm at or how to communicate my needs to those around me, so I feel frustrated and defeated.

When we were in Rome, we had to figure out how to use the underground metro system to get around the city. As we were sitting on the train I thought to myself, "No one else is going to do things for you, only you can be responsible for how you live your life."

It's no different here in Delhi. Yes, this is a hard place to live. Yes, it's hard to learn the language. Yes, it's hard to know whether you're being told the truth or not. But in the end, no one else is going to figure all that out for me. No one else is going to step in and take over responsibility for my things for me.

Michael and I deliberately chose to move to Delhi. Over the course of a year, we made decision after decision that enabled us to come and live in this place. We had even visited Delhi on 3 different occasions before we accepted the offer to come here. We knew what we were getting ourselves into. (Well, maybe we didn't know about that one part about not touching your dishwasher after the geyser pipe bursts water all over the place. One word: Electrocution.)

I don't want to be like the servant who intentionally chose to bury his talent in the ground, and had the audacity to blame the Master for his own actions. I can't go on blaming India, or anyone else, for all my problems and discomforts. 

If I'm not stewarding this season here well, it's time for me to stop shifting the responsibility on others and start asking myself why.

Michelangelo's Tragedy and the Sistine Chapel

Entrance to the Sistine Chapel.
(No pictures were allowed inside.)

While Michael and I were on our tour of the Vatican, our guide spent some time talking about the history behind the Sistine Chapel and the famed artist, Michelangelo, who painted it. You can read on your own a more detailed account of what happened, according to Michelangelo, but I'll just quickly relate the story here.

It goes something like this: At the time, the Pope's conclave was in need of some refreshing and so he asks the famed fresco painter, Raphael, who he should commission to paint the chapel. Raphael recommends Michelangelo - who was known more for his sculpting than painting. Raphael's hope was that if Michelangelo botched the painting of the chapel, Raphael's own work would achieve greater recognition, meanwhile Michelangelo's reputation as an artist would be ruined.

The Pope listens to Raphael's recommendation and tells Michelangelo that he wants him to paint the chapel. But Michelangelo is hesitant and declines the Pope's initial request because he believed he was only a sculpture, and not a painter.

But the Pope is insistent, and so some 500 years later, we have Michelangelo's famously-painted ceiling and altar wall of the Sistine Chapel.

When our tour guide was done telling this story, she asked a couple of incredibly powerful questions: "Just think, what if the whole time Michelangelo knew that he was more than just a sculptor and that he was a painter too? How many more Sistine Chapel's would we have in existence today?"

Those questions got me thinking, how much is lost when we chain down our identities to what we believe we can or can't do?

Then I began applying our guide's questions a little differently to my own experiences: What if I knew I was more than just a wife or a cook? What if that homeless man knew he was more than a homeless man? What if the kid who didn't make the basketball team knew he was more than just a basketball player?

What if our identities weren't wrapped up in our beliefs about ourselves?

What if we let ourselves be, as Mother Teresa once said, "a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world"?

Historians have since gone back and said Michelangelo's account of how he came to paint the Sistine Chapel is probably untrue, and that there's no external evidence to suggest that Raphael had any plans to underhand Michelangelo. 

But even if the story's not true, don't you think it's sad that Michelangelo wrote it down as though it was? Don't you think it says something about how Michelangelo viewed himself? 

It makes me wonder too, where was the voice of truth in Michelangelo's life? Who did he have in his life that could have encouraged more of his talents in painting as well as sculpting?

I'm not saying that everyone's a Michelangelo waiting to happen. There are just some skills we stink at, and we'd be fooling ourselves not to admit that. (We've all seen American Idol and what happens when people don't have an accurate perception of their abilities).

But sometimes we're actually closing doors to greater things when we mistakingly believe we don't posses a certain skill or quality. And that's a tragedy.

The Pietà by Michelangelo, inside St. Peter's Basilica.

No one can deny that Michelangelo was genius. And whether or not he painted a million more Sistine Chapels if had he considered himself a painter, doesn't take away from all the other masterpieces he created.

But the tragedy of Michelangelo does not lie in his accomplishments or lack of accomplishments. The tragedy of Michelangelo is that he believed a lie that his painting skills were inferior and not worth investing in.

Many of us today have been believing a lie that we don't have anything to offer the world. But Paul says in Romans that creation is groaning, waiting for the sons of man to be fully revealed.

And not only is all of creation groaning, but Jesus is yearning for us to walk in the fullness of His design too.

Living out the fullness of who He created us to be brings joy to the world, and glory to the One who meticulously sculpted and fashioned you before the world began.

Thankful Thursdays: Stringed Instruments

Whenever I hear a cello or stringed ensemble I’m always transported. I love listening to acoustic guitars and mandolins too. I find that there is a distinct natural and spiritual sound to stringed instruments. They're so pretty and magical.

I played the violin when I was in middle school, but I always wondered if maybe I should have picked the cello instead. I love to watch people play the cello too. It's like the instrument transforms from a dead, funny-looking piece of wood, into something alive and apart of the musician.

Michael says he loves anything with a piano. What about you? Do you have a particular instrument or sound that speaks to your heart?

New Delhi: Culture Shock One Year Later

"The worth of any journey can always be measured by the difficulties encountered along the way." A.W. Tozer

Today Michael and I have officially made it one whole year in India.

Wow.

It's still hard for me to believe that we live here. We actually live here. We've learned so much in the past year: everything from how to hail down a rickshaw walla to how to navigate through one of Delhi's busy outdoor markets.

Even the mundane things like finding the best places to buy produce, hiring a garbage man, or getting DSL installed have all been huge learning experiences.

Sometimes culture shock has gotten the best of us and we've had a hard time processing this complex place known as India. But it's been an incredible experience. An incredibly frustrating experience at times, but still, an experience.

We have another six months to go before Michael's assignment is completed. While I think we'll be ready to move on, I know that a piece of my heart will be left here in India.

When Jacob wrestled with the angel, the angel touched his hip and Jacob walked away limping for the rest of his life. He was forever impacted and changed by that moment. In the same way, we have been deeply impacted by the past year here in Delhi. 

We have wrestled with India and India has touched our hips. And when we finally leave this place we're going to walk differently than we did before we came. It's changed our perspectives, shown us our need, and most importantly, shown us more about the nature of God.

The following videos are a presentation given to international students at Columbian Business School. Michael and I watched it over the weekend and had some good laughs. Even though this video addresses culture shock within an American university context, we could still totally relate to what this student went through.

So if you've ever wondered if other people experience culture shock in the U.S.,  or what culture shock is like, check these videos out!

Joseph and Jesus

The other night before bed, I was thinking about how much Joseph and Jesus had in common.

I thought about how Joseph's brothers threw him into that pit and left him there to die. But then Joseph was raised up out of that pit and brought into Egypt to eventually become a respected official. 

Several years down the road, when he finally met his brothers again, he said to them: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." (Gn 50:20)

I could clearly see Jesus in Joseph's story:

1. Joseph was favored by his father (Gn 37:3); Jesus is favored by the Father.

2. In the same way that Joseph told his family the truth about himself by relating his prophetic dreams (Gn 37:5-9), Jesus also came bringing good news and proclaiming his true identity to His family, the Jews.

3. They were both stricken, alienated from their homes, and brought into the lowest places of servitude. Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt (Gn 37:28); Jesus came down from heaven to earth (and eventually going down into the very depths of hell) to be the servant of all men.

4. In each case, after their families led them out to be left for dead, they "rose" again for the benefit of all men: Joseph was sold into slavery but eventually became one of the most trusted officials in the Pharaoh's palace. He saved many people of Egypt from starvation in midst of famines (Gn 39:1-5). Jesus was led away to be flogged and crucified, but now sits at the right hand of the Father and has been glorified. And He's still saving people from all corners of the earth to this very day.

What Joseph's brothers meant for harm, God meant for good. Not just Joseph's good, but the good of many people. What the Jews meant for harm, God meant for good. And not just for Jesus' good, but for the good of all people. Joseph saved lives from natural starvation and hunger. Jesus saves lives from natural AND spiritual starvation and hunger.

Unless a seed falls down to the ground and dies...

The reality is, we're now living inside a New Covenant with the Lord. One more perfect than the Old Covenant Joseph was living in. But when we look the Old Testament, we still see that narratives point to one Man: Jesus the Christ. 

Joseph's life was recorded for us as an example of the way Jesus would come proclaiming the Kingdom, and bringing many sons into His glory. As with everything in the Old Testament, his life was a shadow of the reality to come.

I just love it when an old familiar bible story like this suddenly comes to life and reveals Jesus in a way I had never noticed before.

Bollywood Birthday Dancing

Unlike most Americans, Indians use their body language to communicate more than their facial expressions.  Once particular expression I really enjoy is their style of dancing. 

I recently went to a birthday party where the little girl and her friends were dancing to different Bollywood songs. It was so charismatic and lively.

It reminded me of a story I once heard about a man who went to heaven in a vision. In the vision he saw King David dancing before the Lord. The angel told the man that David danced like that day and night before Jesus. Sometimes when I’m by myself, listening to worship music, I like to dance. I imagine being like King David in that vision and dancing my heart out before Jesus.

I think in heaven there will be lots of dancing. All the peoples and cultures of the world will dance before the Lord day and night. Irish dancing, Indian dancing, Turkish dancing, Russian dancing; there will be so much happiness and jubilation. We won’t be able to stop.

I’m thankful for times of celebration and the expressions of song and dance.

Turning over a new leaf.

After nine months without an update, I've decided to take things in a new direction on this blog.

Since January, I've had trouble blogging for a few reasons:

1. Transitioning to Delhi has required a lot of time and emotional energy, and I didn't feel like giving a whole lot of effort to maintaining a blog.

2. I  shut down my Facebook and a lot of other social-media accounts to focus on this blog. But after we moved to India, it turned out to be easier for me to just use Facebook as a way to stay in touch with family. Facebook then slowly replaced my need for blogging.

3. And finally, I  knew I had only planned on blogging for six months when I started. I just wanted to experiment and see where things went. But after a while, I felt like I ran out of things of value to share, so I stopped writing altogether.

It wasn't until August, that I started toying around with the idea of blogging again.

I decided to create a Tumblr account. At the time, I still didn't feel like I had anything of value to share on a regular basis, and I didn't want the weight of a blog to maintain, so it was a good option for me. Tumblr allowed me to write a quick, focused post once a day and move on. And that turned out to be about as much as I could write anyways.

Then in September I started journalling again. I still wasn't ready to blog, but I felt ready to process life again through writing. Right around the same time, we were also visiting the States, and a few people randomly mentioned that I should blog as a way of passing the time living in Delhi. I took the hint.

I'm still not entirely sure what I'll be blogging about. I've been asking God what He wants me to say. Should I just share what I journal about privately, the real and the raw stuff? Or should I try harder to focus on sharing the little revelations and thoughts I have throughout the day? I've also asked Him a couple times if I should change the name, but I haven't heard a response.

In the meantime, I'll be transitioning some of my posts from Tumblr over here to this blog. They're short and they focus on things I'm thankful for.

(Just a reminder: If you haven't already, and would like to, you can subscribe to my posts by entering your email address in the box to the right, underneath my profile.)

New Year, New Apartment... New Life in New Delhi

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! I apologize for how long it's been since my last post. It's been quite an experience moving into our apartment!

We spent our first night in our apartment December 16th and it's been a slow process getting settled in since then. If we could say anything about it, we would sum it up as one huge learning curve in expectations.

I'll start with the cleaning. Everything is dirty. Everything. All the time. And for those of you who know me, you know I like a clean, well-kept home. So this has been my first reality check.

Michael took time off from work for my birthday and Christmas, but we had no idea we would be spending that entire time cleaning. I mean, I realize when you move into a new place there is always some cleaning to be done, but this reaches a whole other level.

I'll acknowledge that the amount of cleaning was so surprising partly because our apartment is quite large compared to what we had in the U.S. We lived in a 800-something square foot apartment back in Kansas. Upgrade that to a 2800-something square foot apartment and my cleaning regiment just increased by nearly four times.

But the bigger issue is that we live in a different environment now. Suburban America is very clean with virtually no pollution (I know, I know, you may think you have pollution, but trust me, you don't). The air quality in Delhi, on the other hand, is very poor. There are a number of reasons why, but the result is that all countertops and basically anything else with an exposed surface also has to be dusted on a daily basis. That includes the light switches, outlets, doors, plants, or anything else we leave out uncovered. Even our groceries must be wiped down before we put them away. Everything is coated in dust everywhere you go.

The bottoms of my slippers at about the half-day mark

Delhi is also a very dirty place - as in literal dirt is everywhere. It gets on your clothes, your linens, your walls - everything. And because of that, our floors, which are entirely marble - with the exception of the laminate wood flooring in our master bedroom - requires daily mopping. And even though they may be mopped every morning, by the end of the day our slippers and socks are entirely black with dirt.

The bathrooms alone are a day-long job. We were told by one of our neighbors that he believes our apartment had been vacant somewhere around two years. And it was probably during that time that the hard water stains we have found in the bathrooms accumulated.

The living room balcony

Of course the lack of drinkable water is probably one of the more notorious problems plaguing India, but the poor water quality is also hard on marble and other home fixtures. 

Marble on average costs about $1-$3 a square foot in India, so it's the flooring of choice in most homes. It has a cool surface that makes it great for the sustained 120°F degree temperatures in Delhi - but it's easily etched and damaged by acid or calcium build-up from water. Unfortunately I've had to resort to using harsh chemicals to remove the stains in the bathrooms, which in turn has taken away the polish of the marble. But, I see that as a small price to pay in order to have clean bathrooms.

So the initial cleaning of our apartment has been an incredible task (and one that is still not complete). But whatever problems existed before didn't suddenly stop with our arrival either...

The second part of this whole moving-in process involves (and apparently will continue to involve) having various plumbing and electrical work done. I can count on one hand the amount of days we've gone without a repairman or representative from LG or Whirlpool or Daikin or Venus in our apartment. There is constantly someone working on a geyser (or what's officially known as a storage water heater), installing something, fixing leaks, tinkering with the electrical wiring, replacing an appliance or fixture, or more recently moving furniture into our apartment.

Booze I found hidden under one of
the bathroom sinks

And unfortunately, they usually don't clean up after they've "completed" a job. We have been told that this might be due to the "nanny culture" that exists here. Even if you weren't affluent enough to have an Ayah as a child, you still had a mother or older sister who took on the task of cleaning up after you. So while it seems disrespectful (and oh believe me, I really struggle on this note), it simply does not even enter their mind that they should be responsible for the mess they make.

So there are almost always wet bootprints randomly left throughout the halls and rooms. If they've been working on a geyser, there are usually puddles of standing water that need to be squeegeed into a drain. When they installed the curtain tracks, they obviously needed to drill holes in the wall to mount the rods - but they didn't bother to sweep up the piles of wood and drywall all over the floor. Same story when the DSL was installed.

Geyser explosion? Not to worry!
Ashley to the rescue!

Recently the pipe exiting the geyser in the kitchen burst from the wall, spewing gallons (liters, if you please) of water all over our dishwasher and microwave. In a matter of seconds we had water running under the kitchen door and out into the hallway coming towards the bedrooms and dining room. And if once wasn't enough, it happened again the following morning 5 minutes after the plumber had "fixed" the problem and left.

Throw into the mix communication barriers, incomplete or poor quality workmanship, people not arriving when they say they will, and you have your work cut out for you. Not to mention, nothing is just a quick fix. At any given time, there are at least four people involved in fixing a problem - and if they can shift responsibility to another party, they usually will. It all takes hours and multiple trips to the market so the repairmen can go to get "more parts".

You put the pipe IN the hole. Simple,
right? WRONG.

And since you never know when a repairman will return, it makes it nearly impossible to plan to goto the store or leave the apartment. (Once again, this seems to be a symptom of the "nanny culture". Most people expect that even if the owners are not home, there will still be a household manager, or at the very least a housekeeper available to receive visitors or repairmen.)

So despite the fact we've been here since October, it just now feels like we're getting our feet wet (no pun intended!).

There are some mornings when we wake up, groan and say to ourselves: "I am sooo not in the mood for India today!" But looking at the big picture and not fixating on all the little things going wrong make a big difference. (All that talk about this being an investment and not just an experience is really hitting home.)

Our time here will be what we make it. Being intentional with taking our troubles to Jesus in prayer and letting His grace rule our lives is the only way, as far as I can see, to avoid becoming bitter or depressed. And thankfully God has supplied us with a close network of friends who are also going on this journey alongside us.

The good news is our ocean shipment from home is supposed to be delivered this Friday and the rest of our permanent furniture should arrive Saturday. It'll be like Christmas, except we know exactly what we're getting...... or will we? ;)

Can you share a little about a difficult season in your life? What did you do to endure or overcome it?

Our New Delhi apartment

Just in time for Thanksgiving, please enjoy this short video of our new apartment in New Delhi. Leave a comment and let us know what you think!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

5 easy (and effective) ways to brighten someone else's day

I mentioned in an earlier post on having impact that as we go through our day, there are simple things we can do to be intentional in our relationships with others. I wanted to elaborate on that a little more by giving you some very basic gestures to implement in your day-to-day goings.

So here are the 5 easy and effective ways I use to connect with those around me during the day:

1. It doesn't cost you to give a compliment.

Remember the times when you were little and your teacher would compliment your work on an assignment? Or when you got a hive-5 from your coach on a good play? What about recently when your boss recognized you in front of your team or organization?

The times when we've been praised for a job well done are easy to remember. They're the small shining treasures we're proud of and we feel good about. They give us confidence for the days when we don't hear that "thank you" for our hard work.

By contrast, how often do we get told when we're not doing our job? For each time we can remember being recognized for our hard work, I bet most of us can remember five other times when we were not recognized. Ouch.

A lot of times we think we don't need to say "thank you" when someone is doing something they're already expected to do. While I think there are a lot of instances where that's true, I also think it's important to acknowledge that no one has to do anything for you or anyone else. I believe there is a balance between being entitled and being grateful. Sure, a waiter is expected to bring food to my table when I eat out, but I'm still thankful for his service - even if it's an already expected part of his job.

In a case study done by COLLOQUY, a loyalty marketing research and consulting network, they found that we're more likely to vocalize our negative experiences than our positive ones:

"75% of the general population said that when they’ve had a bad experience with a product or service they advise friends and family. That surpasses the 42% who said they always recommend a product or service they really like; the 71% who said they’re always looking to experience something new; and the 67% who said they love telling people about something new they’ve learned."^{[Hickman, Jill, and Wardah Malik. "Urban Legends: Word-of-Mouth Myths, Madvocates and Champions." COLLOQUY TalkTalk. LoyaltyOne. Cincinnati, OH. March 2011. Reading.]}

So it makes you wonder, how often do companies and individuals like our friends, family, and spouses get to hear when they've actually done something right?

Why don't we try something different? The next time you have a good experience, pay attention. Look at the person's name tag who is helping or serving you. Make mental notes and find a few attributes you really liked about the person helping you. Then, highlight those attributes and your experience in a note or phone call to their boss. If you're short on time, many restaurants and businesses have online feedback forms where you can submit your thoughts. It only takes 5 - 10 minutes at most to leave a quick note. And if you need more motivation, some companies will even mail you gift cards to their store or free meal vouchers at their restaurant.

Michael and I once submitted positive feedback on Macaroni Grill's website regarding our waitress. Within 2-3 weeks, we had a personal letter from customer relations and a $25 food gift certificate, thanking us for taking the time to share our experience. That's was basically a free meal for 4 sentences and 5 minutes of our time. Talk about a compliment that didn't cost us anything!

2. Smile like you mean it.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to gravitate towards people who smile more? Or how many of us go out of our way to get the sales associate who's smiling when we have a question about a product, simply because we think they'll be more helpful?

So what's in a smile that something so small can cause us to react in such overt ways? In an article published by Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson titled "What's embodied in a smile?" they wrote that:
"... displays of amusement and pride were signaled by smiles, but that amused smiles tended to be open-mouthed, whereas smiles of pride had compressed lips. In contrast, awe was typically expressed with raised eyebrows and a slightly open mouth, but not with smiles. This study highlights that there is likely more than one kind of smile and that different smile configurations may communicate different affective states."[Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson (2010). What's embodied in a smile?. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33 , pp 457-458 doi:10.1017/S0140525X10001597]

It seems our smiles can literally speak volumes about what we're experiencing internally. Have you thought about what your smile (or lack thereof) is saying to those around you?

A strong, genuine smile makes you feel valuable and important. Conversely, a forced or fake smile can create tension or even hurt someone's feelings. A study from The University of Miami even learned that people who experience rejection might be able to better distinguish a fake smile from the real thing. They hypothesize this is because those who are aquatinted with rejection eventually learn cues that indicate insincerity, which helps them identify when to avoid wasting energies on potentially harmful relationships.[1]

Now really, how many times does someone have to experience rejection before they develop skills for telling the difference between a genuine smile and an insincere smile - all so they won't be hurt? It makes me incredibly sad to think this is life for some people, and particularly here in India among the Dalits and others in poverty. This is an area of innocence that no one should loose. A child learns to trust that a smile means care, love and security. When does that unguarded trust turn to suspicion? I pray we all try to be more aware of our own authenticity in our actions and smiles.

Unfortunately, however, fake smiling doesn't just affect those who have experienced rejection. It can have some pretty big impacts internally for you too. Another study published in the Academy of Management Journal, researchers Brent Scott and Christopher Barnes discovered that fake smiling can actually be worse for you than not smiling at all. In a practice labeled "surface acting", they discovered that employees who were required to "put on a face" for their boss were prone to burn out and in some cases depression.[2]

The need to put on a face to impress typically comes from insecurity. But we are very limited creatures and our well of life only runs so deep, so we can only keep up the performance for so long. To change this we have to look externally to an infinite and pure resource to meet our need. In his very self, Jesus offers an eternal resource of living water that never runs dry or leaves you feeling empty. There is nothing lacking in you when you are filled with Him. When He's living in your heart, you won't be smiling because you have to anymore, you'll suddenly be smiling because you can't help yourself!

The bottom line is that smiling is one of those tiny actions that has huge impact. The next time you're out shopping, meeting new people, ordering food or even talking over the phone, be aware that your smile is affecting those around you just as much as it's affecting you.

So do yourself and others a favor and smile like you mean it!

3. If they matter, remembering their name matters.

Obviously, I believe that human beings are all created in the image of God and because of that, each and everyone of us is valuable independent of what we may think.

So by saying that everyone matters, am I'm saying that everyone deserves having their name remembered?

Well... yes.

Honestly, this really isn't that difficult to do, especially considering most people you run across on a day-to-day basis will have a name tag, name plate or business card to identify them. For everyone else, you'll just have to do it the old fashion way by asking and remembering!

You know that lady who ALWAYS checks you out at the grocery store? You know, the one with the short, brown, stringy hair? Yeah, her name is Wendy. But you knew that already didn't you? And how did you know that? Her name tag.

So now that you knew her name, the next time instead of averting eye-contact by fumbling around in your purse or pretending to be more interested at the trash magazines beside you, ask Wendy how she's doing. She probably won't share a whole lot the first time, but listen for key details. Then the next time you're in there, let Wendy know it's good seeing her again and bring up a few of the things she mentioned last time. It will show her you genuinely care and she'll begin to open up a little more each and every time.

Heck, she may even begin to like scanning that stinky cheese and fish you always buy.

We all want to feel special, and whether we like our name or not, a bit of our identity is attached to it. Remembering a person's name is like saying, "I know there are 7 billion people on this planet, but you're important to me and you matter!"

4. Please just shut up and listen.

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut." -  Albert Einstein

Have you ever been pouring your heart out about a really frustrating problem, only to have the "listener" TELL you what you need to do? Or worse, they end up telling you how you ought to feel, basically making your emotional experience illegitimate?

Next they'll somehow turn your vent session around to focus on them and their personal problems. Before you know it, you're somehow consoling the person who's supposed to be consoling you!

I sheepishly admit to being that person on more than one occasion. And I'm sure there's been several times I've made people want to ask: "Ashley, will you please just shut up and listen?!"

I read once that if you want to persuade someone you're a good friend, then be quiet and listen. Unfortunately, listening is not a strength for most of us. But with some practice and refocusing, we can all learn to become better listeners.

The first step to being a good listener involves, you guessed it: learning how to listen! Too often we're more focused on getting to say what's on our mind than paying attention to the other person talking. Often times, what a person doesn't say communicates a lot more than what they do say. But when we're not fully invested in the person in front of us, we may end up missing those subtle details or hidden information. Listening involves taking the focus off of yourself and giving your full attention to the person speaking.

Christian philosopher Greg Koukl once shared in a lecture that if you want people to think you're interesting, ask questions! So the second step to being a better listener is to ask relevant questions. And asking questions actually helps you as much as it helps the person talking because it keeps you engaged in the conversation and it communicates interest in the speaker.

Then, depending on the conversation or person, there may be an opportunity to give advice or feedback -- but don't be surprised if some people are just happy to have someone listen to them.

To give you an example, last year Michael and I spent the weekend together with some friends in Arkansas at a healing conference. In the evening we went out to a Wal-Mart to heal people in Jesus' name. We were able to minister to several people, but just before leaving, Michael and I saw a lady in a motorized cart. Since we were in "healing mode" we weren't anticipating that maybe this woman just needed someone to listen when we initially approached her.

It turned out, she did have an illness and some pain, but she had recently moved to Arkansas with no family or friends, and the family she did have wouldn't speak to her. So in this case taking the time to let this woman vent and cry meant more to her than not having to use her motorized cart. Listening was the most loving thing we could have done.

Which leads me to the third step in becoming a good listener: Being a good listener means being flexible.

Listening is a full-time job, and you have to be ready in and out of season. I'm not saying let people "dump" on you all the time and use you to justify their unhealthy behaviors. I'm saying be giving in your time and flexible in your actions. Meaning, give people the time of day and don't give canned responses. We're all individuals with unique needs at different times in our life. Can you give 100% of your time to every single person on the planet, obviously the answer is no. But with healthy boundaries, you can at least give some of your listening time to those you encounter day-to-day.

By giving your full attention, asking the right questions, and being sensitive to where that person is at you'll become an effective listener, and through love, bring comfort to someone's day.

5. Being loyal does not mean you have to be a creeper.

Building a relationship takes time - something that most of us seriously lack. Fortunately with a little more intentionality and focus, you can build relationships with people practically anywhere you go.

The moment most of us left high school or college, making friends instantly became very difficult. The bubble that gave context and routine to our friendships popped with graduation, and despite all the oaths, swearing and promises we made - we eventually lost touch with most folks.

We enter the "real world" guaranteed with less structure, similarities and time than we had while in school. Suddenly we don't have to have lunch or class with the same people everyday. Sure you work with the same people seven days a week, but you quickly learn that you're not necessarily obligated to interact with them in meaningful ways. And it's that convenient little option that, while freeing at first, can eventually shut you off to making new friends.

So now when you get off work and stop in by the convenient store, you maintain that same attitude: "I have my own tasks to take care of and I'm not obligated to interact with anyone outside of my bubble." So you get your cigarettes, pay for your gas and treat the cashier just like a program on your computer. You insert cash and get back a product.

Let's say this is the case for you. Every day, for the next three years, you make a stop at this particular convenient store on your way home. If we were to multiply the average number of working days in the U.S. (260) by those three years, that means you could potentially be visiting this convenient store 780 times. That's 780 times you could have the opportunity to learn the cashier's name, how his day went, how his kids are doing, or what his plans were for the weekend. That might even be enough time to figure out if you even like the guy or not!

Whether this is your routine or not, my point is, it doesn't take being a complete stalker to get to know someone. If you like buying lotto tickets, try going to the same gas station that's on your way home and getting to know the cashier. Like coffee? Visit the same coffee shop before you go into work in the mornings and have a little small talk with the barista. Was that frozen yogurt last Friday night amazing? Go back next Friday, and this time, invite your friends and introduce them to the manager. (By the way, Michael and I have actually done this and scored free yogurt and coupons in the process.)

By practicing loyalty to a certain location or person you allow for an increased opportunity for relationship. I'm not saying break the bank by driving to the other side of town and ordering a mocha frape maximum grande every single day of the week. I'm saying as you go look for occasions to build a relationship with people you already come into contact with.

Michael and I like coffee. As in really like coffee. Hold the Starbucks, if you please - we want the good stuff. We've invested in different specialty brewers, grinders and we occasionally even roast our own beans. So does it make sense for us to go out and spend $56 a week on coffee when we have everything we need to make an amazing cup at home? Of course not. But once a week or so, on our date night, we make a visit to a local coffee shop. Why? Because $8 a week is worth a friendship or at least getting to know someone a little better.

Take for instance the story I shared about the woman at the coffee shop in Houston. Michael and I have made it a point to visit this particular coffee shop at least once every time we're in Houston. And because of that effort, it's opened up a realm of influence into the owner's life. So much so that she's cried on our shoulder and we've been able to pray with her. All that just from taking time to talk to her like a human being and not a coffee-making robot.

There are probably countless ways you can build relationship with people. Be creative and think of those you already have regular contact with that no one else does. Is it the elderly lady that walks her dog when you run every night? Is it the Post Office clerk that works every Friday when you go to mail your bills? Is it the homeless man on that one intersection right before you turn onto the highway? Is there someone who needs compliment or smile that I'm in a unique position to give? Is there someone worth remembering their name and who needs me to listen when no one else will?

Contrary to what some may still think, this kind of an effort doesn't make you a weirdo. It may make you an exception to the hundreds of other people that walk through a person's life - but it does not make you creepy. You just need to ask yourself: If you don't care to be loyal and make an investment in that person's life, who else will?

The place where everybody knows your name.

Just reading those words instantly bring the melody of the theme song from Cheers to mind.

We all want to believe there's a place for us in the world. A place with genuine smiles, friends, laughter and warmth. A place where we can catch a break and let our guard down. And I think that's the reason so many of us warm up to the song "Where Everybody Knows Your Name".

I believe the Church should be that place for the world. (And by Church, I mean the living, breathing, moving Body of Christ - not necessarily the fixed structure made of four walls and a steeple.)

I believe as the walking, talking Body of Jesus we can be the place where people come to meet with a familiar friend, one who knows their name and listens when they had a bad day. Sinners and tax collectors wanted to be around Jesus. They felt comfortable around him because he gave them the time of day. He didn't treat them like a bunch of hopeless, unlawful scumbags. He treated them like human beings who were desperately loved by an all good and all wonderful Father.

Can people say that they feel comfortable around you, just like Jesus? Can people say that they feel special when they're around you, just like Jesus? Can people say they see Jesus when they see you?

As an ambassador in chains to the Gosepl (Jesus), the answer to all those questions should be yes, yes, yes! If not, maybe it's time to reevaluate who we're reflecting and adjust our mirrors to see Jesus!

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.  You wanna be where everybody knows Your name. You wanna go where people know, people are all the same. You wanna go where everybody knows your name..."

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1. Association for Psychological Science. "Phony Friends? Rejected People Better Able To Spot Fake Smiles." ScienceDaily, 24 Oct. 2008. Web. 22 Nov. 2011.
2. Michigan State University. "For a better workday, smile like you mean it." ScienceDaily, 22 Feb. 2011. Web. 21 Nov. 2011.

An Update & A Video

So three weeks and twenty-five apartments later (yes, we actually looked at twenty-five apartments), we think we finally have a new place to call home.

As of this morning, Michael's company notified us that the two additional apartments we submitted were accepted and approved. Still not clear on a move-in date, but we anticipate within a month we will be able to move into the apartment we put down as our first choice. (Pictures and/or video to follow soon).

Michael also received an email update on our ocean shipment of personal belongings. So, if like us, you want to know where in the world our stuff is, click here to track the progress of our cargo vessel, the OOCL Atlanta!

The estimated date of our crate's arrival in Mumbai is December 14th. So, that's cutting it a bit close to Christmas, which means we may be waiting until the absolute last minute to make definite plans for coming home.

Keep coming back for more posts on Diwali, moving in to our new place and a life in the day of us Americans here in Delhi!

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For now, I'll leave you with a video that will totally rock your day... Never forget you are a representative of the living God to the glory of His Son, Jesus the Christ:

(You can find more of Pete's videos here and follow his blog by clicking this link.)

House Hunters International: New Delhi Blog Edition

Deviating slightly from my normal posts, I thought I'd share how our apartment search is going in the spirit of one of our favorite programs: "House Hunters International". (We are obviously in no way affiliated with HGTV or the House Hunters International show, this post serves only as an entertaining means to share our apartment viewing experience!)

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On this episode of House Hunters International: Meet Michael and Ashley, a young couple transferring their residence from suburban Overland Park, Kansas to the bustling, captial city of New Delhi, India.

Michael, who works as a operations manager for a global cellular network provider, and his wife Ashley are looking for a place that meets the company's budget while retaining some of their familiar western amenities.

They've been given 30 days to find a place they like, which may seem like plenty of time, but in a city of 22.2 million people, finding an apartment that gives them breathing room may be easier said than done.

Their wishlist: They have requested to see flats located on the top floor for safety and privacy. They're hoping to find a three to four bedroom apartment with updated bathrooms, a nice balcony or private terrace to get away from the busy city-life, and a kitchen with plenty of cabinet space for all of Ashley's cooking and bakeware.

Will the "Land of Color" present more cultural barriers than they bargained for? And will they be able find a place that agrees with their tastes and with their company's budget? Or will they have to make some big adjustments in their expectations?

Their real-estate agent, is an Indian native and experienced in working with expatriates and foreigners. She has selected properties for them to look at located throughout the New Friends Colony, Maharani Bagh, and Defense Colony areas. Let's take a look:

Apartment #1: The "Sweet" Balcony
The first flat today is located in Maharani Bagh. The property is seven years old with three bedrooms, three baths and 2,000 square feet. It's nestled in a quiet location near the fly-over that connects directly into Noida, where Michael will be working. Maharani Bagh is a calm area and home to a relatively large retirement community. Michael and Ashley seem to think they'll get a long well here, but what will they think of their first property in this foreign place? (Click on the pictures for a larger view)

(Yes, that would be a man peeing in some bushes in the top-left corner
of this photo.)

Outside of the property.

Just inside the property, the flat we'll be
seeing is on the second floor.

The entry way and front door.

The main hallway.

Living and dining area (the wiring is for an AC unit).

Kitchen.

Master bedroom

Master closet room.

Master bathroom.

Balcony outside of the master bedroom. (Connected to Guest Bedroom #1)

Additional views outside of the balcony.

A grassy area on the ground floor of the property.

Guest bedroom #2 (pic 1).

Guest bedroom #2 (pic 2).

Guest bathroom #2 (the appliance attached to
the wall is a water heater, every bathroom will
have one).

Terrace and servant's quarters (terrace has option for our exclusivity).

Their Reactions:
Michael: "This place had a sweet balcony!"
Ashley: "The bedrooms are on the small side, and I'm not in love with the kitchen, but it has potential."

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Apartment #2: A Peptol Bismol Paradise

Property number two comes with three bedrooms and three baths and 2,100 square feet. It's a top floor flat settled in the posh district of Defense Colony. Real estate comes at a premium here as foreigners and Delhitians alike flock to the area for it's updated apartment floor plans and amenities. Nearby Lajpat Nagar is a favorite market among locals and the proximity to some of Delhi's most popular restaurants makes this an ideal location. But will an appealing location be enough to overlook some of this property's more "colorful" qualities?

The entryway and main living area.

Kitchen.

The prison bars outside the kitchen.

Somebody let the landlord know, they missed this room.

Bedoom #1.

Bathroom #1.

Bedoom #2.

Bathroom #2.

Bedroom #3

Bathroom #3 (pic 1).

Bathroom #3 (pic 2).

Their reactions:

Michael: "Well... chalta hai."

Ashley: "It looks like Holi came here and celebrated pink all over the walls."

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Apartment #3: The Penthouse

Situated in New Friend's Colony, apartment number three has four bedrooms and four baths with 2,800 square feet of space. Another top floor unit; it includes a common roof-top terrace for the building. New Friends Colony is a less lively area than Defense Colony, but still conveniently located near to the DND-Flyover Michael will use on his commute to Noida. But will the want for larger private balconies and possible water damage keep Michael and Ashley at bay?

Entry gate leading onto the property.

Parking garage on the ground floor.

The door for the stairwell and lift, taking you inside the building.

Front door and entryway.

Living or dining area.

Looking back on the living and dining area facing the front door.

Kitchen.

More of the kitchen (look to the ceiling, above
the cabinets for possible water damage).

Prayer room.

Hallway coming from the bedrooms, looking
back towards the living room, kitchen and
front door.

Bedroom #1.

Bathroom #1.

Bedroom #2.

Bathroom #2.

Bedroom #3.

Bathroom #3.

Bedroom #4.

Bathroom #4.

View of the roof-top terrace (common and not exclusive).

Another view of the rooftop terrace.

Their reactions:

Michael: "I like this place, it has a good feel and layout."

Ashley: "Me too, I think it's been my favorite so far. I'm just really concerned about the water damage in the kitchen."

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So which one will they choose? Apartment one has a convenient location, three bedrooms and an accommodating personal balcony. But Ashley isn't too keen on the bedroom sizes or age of the building.

Apartment number two had updated bathrooms and an unique open kitchen into the living area. But getting the walls repainted may be prove to be difficult in negotiations with the landlord.

And lastly, apartment number three was a spacious top floor unit, complete with updated bathrooms and an appealing layout. However, it lacked the balconies Michael and Ashley were hoping for and the  prospect of water damage in the kitchen may turn out to make this property more trouble than it's worth.

Find out after we return...