5 easy (and effective) ways to brighten someone else's day

I mentioned in an earlier post on having impact that as we go through our day, there are simple things we can do to be intentional in our relationships with others. I wanted to elaborate on that a little more by giving you some very basic gestures to implement in your day-to-day goings.

So here are the 5 easy and effective ways I use to connect with those around me during the day:

1. It doesn't cost you to give a compliment.

Remember the times when you were little and your teacher would compliment your work on an assignment? Or when you got a hive-5 from your coach on a good play? What about recently when your boss recognized you in front of your team or organization?

The times when we've been praised for a job well done are easy to remember. They're the small shining treasures we're proud of and we feel good about. They give us confidence for the days when we don't hear that "thank you" for our hard work.

By contrast, how often do we get told when we're not doing our job? For each time we can remember being recognized for our hard work, I bet most of us can remember five other times when we were not recognized. Ouch.

A lot of times we think we don't need to say "thank you" when someone is doing something they're already expected to do. While I think there are a lot of instances where that's true, I also think it's important to acknowledge that no one has to do anything for you or anyone else. I believe there is a balance between being entitled and being grateful. Sure, a waiter is expected to bring food to my table when I eat out, but I'm still thankful for his service - even if it's an already expected part of his job.

In a case study done by COLLOQUY, a loyalty marketing research and consulting network, they found that we're more likely to vocalize our negative experiences than our positive ones:

"75% of the general population said that when they’ve had a bad experience with a product or service they advise friends and family. That surpasses the 42% who said they always recommend a product or service they really like; the 71% who said they’re always looking to experience something new; and the 67% who said they love telling people about something new they’ve learned."^{[Hickman, Jill, and Wardah Malik. "Urban Legends: Word-of-Mouth Myths, Madvocates and Champions." COLLOQUY TalkTalk. LoyaltyOne. Cincinnati, OH. March 2011. Reading.]}

So it makes you wonder, how often do companies and individuals like our friends, family, and spouses get to hear when they've actually done something right?

Why don't we try something different? The next time you have a good experience, pay attention. Look at the person's name tag who is helping or serving you. Make mental notes and find a few attributes you really liked about the person helping you. Then, highlight those attributes and your experience in a note or phone call to their boss. If you're short on time, many restaurants and businesses have online feedback forms where you can submit your thoughts. It only takes 5 - 10 minutes at most to leave a quick note. And if you need more motivation, some companies will even mail you gift cards to their store or free meal vouchers at their restaurant.

Michael and I once submitted positive feedback on Macaroni Grill's website regarding our waitress. Within 2-3 weeks, we had a personal letter from customer relations and a $25 food gift certificate, thanking us for taking the time to share our experience. That's was basically a free meal for 4 sentences and 5 minutes of our time. Talk about a compliment that didn't cost us anything!

2. Smile like you mean it.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to gravitate towards people who smile more? Or how many of us go out of our way to get the sales associate who's smiling when we have a question about a product, simply because we think they'll be more helpful?

So what's in a smile that something so small can cause us to react in such overt ways? In an article published by Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson titled "What's embodied in a smile?" they wrote that:
"... displays of amusement and pride were signaled by smiles, but that amused smiles tended to be open-mouthed, whereas smiles of pride had compressed lips. In contrast, awe was typically expressed with raised eyebrows and a slightly open mouth, but not with smiles. This study highlights that there is likely more than one kind of smile and that different smile configurations may communicate different affective states."[Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson (2010). What's embodied in a smile?. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33 , pp 457-458 doi:10.1017/S0140525X10001597]

It seems our smiles can literally speak volumes about what we're experiencing internally. Have you thought about what your smile (or lack thereof) is saying to those around you?

A strong, genuine smile makes you feel valuable and important. Conversely, a forced or fake smile can create tension or even hurt someone's feelings. A study from The University of Miami even learned that people who experience rejection might be able to better distinguish a fake smile from the real thing. They hypothesize this is because those who are aquatinted with rejection eventually learn cues that indicate insincerity, which helps them identify when to avoid wasting energies on potentially harmful relationships.[1]

Now really, how many times does someone have to experience rejection before they develop skills for telling the difference between a genuine smile and an insincere smile - all so they won't be hurt? It makes me incredibly sad to think this is life for some people, and particularly here in India among the Dalits and others in poverty. This is an area of innocence that no one should loose. A child learns to trust that a smile means care, love and security. When does that unguarded trust turn to suspicion? I pray we all try to be more aware of our own authenticity in our actions and smiles.

Unfortunately, however, fake smiling doesn't just affect those who have experienced rejection. It can have some pretty big impacts internally for you too. Another study published in the Academy of Management Journal, researchers Brent Scott and Christopher Barnes discovered that fake smiling can actually be worse for you than not smiling at all. In a practice labeled "surface acting", they discovered that employees who were required to "put on a face" for their boss were prone to burn out and in some cases depression.[2]

The need to put on a face to impress typically comes from insecurity. But we are very limited creatures and our well of life only runs so deep, so we can only keep up the performance for so long. To change this we have to look externally to an infinite and pure resource to meet our need. In his very self, Jesus offers an eternal resource of living water that never runs dry or leaves you feeling empty. There is nothing lacking in you when you are filled with Him. When He's living in your heart, you won't be smiling because you have to anymore, you'll suddenly be smiling because you can't help yourself!

The bottom line is that smiling is one of those tiny actions that has huge impact. The next time you're out shopping, meeting new people, ordering food or even talking over the phone, be aware that your smile is affecting those around you just as much as it's affecting you.

So do yourself and others a favor and smile like you mean it!

3. If they matter, remembering their name matters.

Obviously, I believe that human beings are all created in the image of God and because of that, each and everyone of us is valuable independent of what we may think.

So by saying that everyone matters, am I'm saying that everyone deserves having their name remembered?

Well... yes.

Honestly, this really isn't that difficult to do, especially considering most people you run across on a day-to-day basis will have a name tag, name plate or business card to identify them. For everyone else, you'll just have to do it the old fashion way by asking and remembering!

You know that lady who ALWAYS checks you out at the grocery store? You know, the one with the short, brown, stringy hair? Yeah, her name is Wendy. But you knew that already didn't you? And how did you know that? Her name tag.

So now that you knew her name, the next time instead of averting eye-contact by fumbling around in your purse or pretending to be more interested at the trash magazines beside you, ask Wendy how she's doing. She probably won't share a whole lot the first time, but listen for key details. Then the next time you're in there, let Wendy know it's good seeing her again and bring up a few of the things she mentioned last time. It will show her you genuinely care and she'll begin to open up a little more each and every time.

Heck, she may even begin to like scanning that stinky cheese and fish you always buy.

We all want to feel special, and whether we like our name or not, a bit of our identity is attached to it. Remembering a person's name is like saying, "I know there are 7 billion people on this planet, but you're important to me and you matter!"

4. Please just shut up and listen.

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut." -  Albert Einstein

Have you ever been pouring your heart out about a really frustrating problem, only to have the "listener" TELL you what you need to do? Or worse, they end up telling you how you ought to feel, basically making your emotional experience illegitimate?

Next they'll somehow turn your vent session around to focus on them and their personal problems. Before you know it, you're somehow consoling the person who's supposed to be consoling you!

I sheepishly admit to being that person on more than one occasion. And I'm sure there's been several times I've made people want to ask: "Ashley, will you please just shut up and listen?!"

I read once that if you want to persuade someone you're a good friend, then be quiet and listen. Unfortunately, listening is not a strength for most of us. But with some practice and refocusing, we can all learn to become better listeners.

The first step to being a good listener involves, you guessed it: learning how to listen! Too often we're more focused on getting to say what's on our mind than paying attention to the other person talking. Often times, what a person doesn't say communicates a lot more than what they do say. But when we're not fully invested in the person in front of us, we may end up missing those subtle details or hidden information. Listening involves taking the focus off of yourself and giving your full attention to the person speaking.

Christian philosopher Greg Koukl once shared in a lecture that if you want people to think you're interesting, ask questions! So the second step to being a better listener is to ask relevant questions. And asking questions actually helps you as much as it helps the person talking because it keeps you engaged in the conversation and it communicates interest in the speaker.

Then, depending on the conversation or person, there may be an opportunity to give advice or feedback -- but don't be surprised if some people are just happy to have someone listen to them.

To give you an example, last year Michael and I spent the weekend together with some friends in Arkansas at a healing conference. In the evening we went out to a Wal-Mart to heal people in Jesus' name. We were able to minister to several people, but just before leaving, Michael and I saw a lady in a motorized cart. Since we were in "healing mode" we weren't anticipating that maybe this woman just needed someone to listen when we initially approached her.

It turned out, she did have an illness and some pain, but she had recently moved to Arkansas with no family or friends, and the family she did have wouldn't speak to her. So in this case taking the time to let this woman vent and cry meant more to her than not having to use her motorized cart. Listening was the most loving thing we could have done.

Which leads me to the third step in becoming a good listener: Being a good listener means being flexible.

Listening is a full-time job, and you have to be ready in and out of season. I'm not saying let people "dump" on you all the time and use you to justify their unhealthy behaviors. I'm saying be giving in your time and flexible in your actions. Meaning, give people the time of day and don't give canned responses. We're all individuals with unique needs at different times in our life. Can you give 100% of your time to every single person on the planet, obviously the answer is no. But with healthy boundaries, you can at least give some of your listening time to those you encounter day-to-day.

By giving your full attention, asking the right questions, and being sensitive to where that person is at you'll become an effective listener, and through love, bring comfort to someone's day.

5. Being loyal does not mean you have to be a creeper.

Building a relationship takes time - something that most of us seriously lack. Fortunately with a little more intentionality and focus, you can build relationships with people practically anywhere you go.

The moment most of us left high school or college, making friends instantly became very difficult. The bubble that gave context and routine to our friendships popped with graduation, and despite all the oaths, swearing and promises we made - we eventually lost touch with most folks.

We enter the "real world" guaranteed with less structure, similarities and time than we had while in school. Suddenly we don't have to have lunch or class with the same people everyday. Sure you work with the same people seven days a week, but you quickly learn that you're not necessarily obligated to interact with them in meaningful ways. And it's that convenient little option that, while freeing at first, can eventually shut you off to making new friends.

So now when you get off work and stop in by the convenient store, you maintain that same attitude: "I have my own tasks to take care of and I'm not obligated to interact with anyone outside of my bubble." So you get your cigarettes, pay for your gas and treat the cashier just like a program on your computer. You insert cash and get back a product.

Let's say this is the case for you. Every day, for the next three years, you make a stop at this particular convenient store on your way home. If we were to multiply the average number of working days in the U.S. (260) by those three years, that means you could potentially be visiting this convenient store 780 times. That's 780 times you could have the opportunity to learn the cashier's name, how his day went, how his kids are doing, or what his plans were for the weekend. That might even be enough time to figure out if you even like the guy or not!

Whether this is your routine or not, my point is, it doesn't take being a complete stalker to get to know someone. If you like buying lotto tickets, try going to the same gas station that's on your way home and getting to know the cashier. Like coffee? Visit the same coffee shop before you go into work in the mornings and have a little small talk with the barista. Was that frozen yogurt last Friday night amazing? Go back next Friday, and this time, invite your friends and introduce them to the manager. (By the way, Michael and I have actually done this and scored free yogurt and coupons in the process.)

By practicing loyalty to a certain location or person you allow for an increased opportunity for relationship. I'm not saying break the bank by driving to the other side of town and ordering a mocha frape maximum grande every single day of the week. I'm saying as you go look for occasions to build a relationship with people you already come into contact with.

Michael and I like coffee. As in really like coffee. Hold the Starbucks, if you please - we want the good stuff. We've invested in different specialty brewers, grinders and we occasionally even roast our own beans. So does it make sense for us to go out and spend $56 a week on coffee when we have everything we need to make an amazing cup at home? Of course not. But once a week or so, on our date night, we make a visit to a local coffee shop. Why? Because $8 a week is worth a friendship or at least getting to know someone a little better.

Take for instance the story I shared about the woman at the coffee shop in Houston. Michael and I have made it a point to visit this particular coffee shop at least once every time we're in Houston. And because of that effort, it's opened up a realm of influence into the owner's life. So much so that she's cried on our shoulder and we've been able to pray with her. All that just from taking time to talk to her like a human being and not a coffee-making robot.

There are probably countless ways you can build relationship with people. Be creative and think of those you already have regular contact with that no one else does. Is it the elderly lady that walks her dog when you run every night? Is it the Post Office clerk that works every Friday when you go to mail your bills? Is it the homeless man on that one intersection right before you turn onto the highway? Is there someone who needs compliment or smile that I'm in a unique position to give? Is there someone worth remembering their name and who needs me to listen when no one else will?

Contrary to what some may still think, this kind of an effort doesn't make you a weirdo. It may make you an exception to the hundreds of other people that walk through a person's life - but it does not make you creepy. You just need to ask yourself: If you don't care to be loyal and make an investment in that person's life, who else will?

The place where everybody knows your name.

Just reading those words instantly bring the melody of the theme song from Cheers to mind.

We all want to believe there's a place for us in the world. A place with genuine smiles, friends, laughter and warmth. A place where we can catch a break and let our guard down. And I think that's the reason so many of us warm up to the song "Where Everybody Knows Your Name".

I believe the Church should be that place for the world. (And by Church, I mean the living, breathing, moving Body of Christ - not necessarily the fixed structure made of four walls and a steeple.)

I believe as the walking, talking Body of Jesus we can be the place where people come to meet with a familiar friend, one who knows their name and listens when they had a bad day. Sinners and tax collectors wanted to be around Jesus. They felt comfortable around him because he gave them the time of day. He didn't treat them like a bunch of hopeless, unlawful scumbags. He treated them like human beings who were desperately loved by an all good and all wonderful Father.

Can people say that they feel comfortable around you, just like Jesus? Can people say that they feel special when they're around you, just like Jesus? Can people say they see Jesus when they see you?

As an ambassador in chains to the Gosepl (Jesus), the answer to all those questions should be yes, yes, yes! If not, maybe it's time to reevaluate who we're reflecting and adjust our mirrors to see Jesus!

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.  You wanna be where everybody knows Your name. You wanna go where people know, people are all the same. You wanna go where everybody knows your name..."

--------------------

1. Association for Psychological Science. "Phony Friends? Rejected People Better Able To Spot Fake Smiles." ScienceDaily, 24 Oct. 2008. Web. 22 Nov. 2011.
2. Michigan State University. "For a better workday, smile like you mean it." ScienceDaily, 22 Feb. 2011. Web. 21 Nov. 2011.

Having Impact

Serving food to a community of migrant workers in Ciudad Juarez. (2008)

As of today, both our visas have been approved. We expect them to arrive by tomorrow which will allow us to fly out as early as this coming Monday. But lately as we've been saying our goodbyes, I've been noticing the impact we've had on those around us. Everyone from the kid at our favorite coffee shop to the cashier at our local pharmacy has been in some way impacted by us.

It really hit me this morning when Michael and I received a thank you from one of the gals in our old leasing office. Before we broke our lease the assistant manager was adamant that we should see her one last time to say our goodbyes, but when we turned in our keys she had already gone for the day. So I left a little note, sharing how much we enjoyed living there and what a pleasure it's been to know her. I wrote some contact information and set it on her desk. After we got back to our hotel, I went to their corporate website and left some positive feedback sharing how amazing the staff had been and we felt they should be recognized for their stellar service.

So this morning, when I read the response from her I was totally touched by it. It was incredibly personal and sweet. She thanked us for the feedback we sent to their corporate office and made it a point to say: "It really made my day and believe me, the feeling is mutual." I suddenly had this moment where I realized how easily our life can have impact on someone else when we're intentional about loving as we go.


Rivers, Dams, and Crash Diet Christianity

One unfortunate and natural consequence of the the church being institutionalized is that we compartmentalize our spiritual life from our "worldly" life. It's kind of like crash dieting in that we set aside a fixed time period for intense, highly spiritualized ministry - but as soon as we're done we go back to our normal routine and eventually put back on all those "pounds" (read: sin) we tried so hard to loose. But Jesus says in Luke that: “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Being a disciple of Jesus means we live in a perpetual state of freely receiving love from the Father and freely sharing that love with others.

In John 7:38 Jesus describes this free-flowing lifestyle as having "rivers of living water." Any river that gets dammed up automatically means it is not flowing freely. In fact, damming up a powerful river at designated intervals can be disastrous for the land that follows it's course. Jesus then says in Matthew 6:24 that: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." So it is not only unnecessary to categorize our lives into neat boxes of "secular" and "religious", but Jesus says it's actually impossible for us to do that!

In the same ways that crash dieting is too extreme to be sustainable long-term, and damming up a strong river brings extremes of deluge or drought; compartmentalizing our walk with Jesus brings reoccuring "spiritual" highs and lows that stunt growth and can eventually lead to burn out.


A Recovering To-Do Lister

Michael and I pay bills, get coffee, check our mail, go out to eat, and shop for last-minute gifts just like anyone else. The only thing we may do differently is that we make certain allowances in our time because we put building a relationship above task completion. We go into all situations assuming we can make a friend and we value a lasting friendship more than a forty-minute dinner at Cheesecake Factory.

And all this is coming from yours truly, who by nature, is an extremely task-oriented individual! It isn't easy for me to allow wiggle room when I'm in "the zone". I view most relationships as an assignment to accomplish rather than a gift to enjoy. It sounds so mechanical and cold, but that's just how my brain works! Of course I enjoy good conversation. It just needs to be scheduled and on my to-do list. It's truly not my natural inclination to just go with the flow and allow for that unexpected chit-chat at the gas pump when I've got places to go and things to do!

But over time I've learned how to be more intentional in that area and I've allowed Jesus to shift my priorities around. On Jesus' way to raise Lazarus from the dead (which by the way, Lazarus was someone he dearly loved and cared for) he took the time to "minister" to a women who had been bleeding for twelve years. Jesus was never too task-focused for a relationship-building opportunity. Can you imagine if Jesus had said to that woman, "Sorry, Friday night is when I do outreach, if you want to be healed of your ailment, come to me then." If Jesus is the exact representation of God, and he made himself so available as to heal a woman (who by the way was acting unlawfully by touching a rabbi while being ceremonially unclean due to her bleeding) while on his way to raise his friend from death; what then does that say about our Heavenly Father?

God commands in Leviticus 6:13 that "Fire shall be kept burning on the altar continually; it shall not go out." The temple was a shadow of God grandeur design, but the symbolism here is so rich. God's love, forgiveness, salvation, mercy, grace, goodness... All of who He is is always available to us. Always. And there is nothing you or I or anyone else can do to remove our High Priest (who is Jesus) from His temple (which is us)! He is always near to us and He will never stop loving us: "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rm 38-39)


The God Who Made His Dwelling Place With Man

Traveling musicians in the Old Market

district of Omaha, Nebraska.

God designed us for Him, to have impact for Him, and to love with His big strong love. Our favorite response when someone asks us how we've been is to say, "Busy!" We're simply "too busy" to get to know these people that we run in to day after day after day. They shouldn't be a stranger to us, but since we believe that there are special times for taking interest in other people's lives, we never think outside the box and reach out. We miss out on these incredible opportunities to connect and share the love of God.

That one human being that we don't notice is the same one that God is completely and totally fixed upon. He is watching their every move. He's in love. His heart is captivated by them. And His love for them is inside of our hearts too, if He is in fact dwelling in us. Let's not dam up the "rivers of living water" that flow from the heart of God and though our hearts. And let's also not preform a hyper-drive crash diet love that really only comes from our own limited efforts and cannot be sustained. Instead let's just allow Jesus to live through us and give Him freedom to take genuine interest in the clerk at the pharmacy or the high school student at the coffee shop.

Jesus is enough. Every day, He is enough. Because of Him and through Him and for Him, we can have impact.

In your daily routine, how can you reach out to those you encounter? Off the top of your head, how many people can you think of where there's the opportunity to build a closer relationship with them?

"Happy [Sante Fe] Trails to you"

Burro Alley Cafe

Last Tuesday afternoon, Michael and I took a little drive up to New Mexico's state capitol: Sante Fe. I think it's pretty cool that we live near by where the historic Sante Fe trail starts and now we can say we've visited the city where it ended!

We originally wanted to eat at a Mexican restaurant called Los Mayas which was listed on Sante Fe's tourism website and was highly reviewed. Unfortunately it either moved or shut down because after an hour of driving and walking around, we never did find it. But while looking for Los Mayas, we ended up in the downtown shopping and art district. 

So we spent the rest of our time walking by rows of other restaurants, art galleries, and Native American jewelry stores. Michael and I eventually decided to eat at a little place called 'Burro Alley Cafe'. It was absolutely gorgeous outside so we sat on the back patio. Interesting menu selection, but Michael ordered his trusty bacon cheeseburger and I ordered the hummus and pita appetizer.

They had an overwhelming array of pastries and sweets, but I decided on an anise-flavored butter cookie called a Bizcochito. Bizcochito cookies are unique to New Mexico and are actually the state's official cookie. I didn't know that at the time - I just heard the girl behind the counter say something about anise and a cookie and I was sold. It reminded me of a Snickerdoodle, except of course, with anise. (I foresee a recipe experiment with Bizcochito in my near future...)

In front of the American Indian War Memorial Monument in 

Sante Fe Plaza

We left Burro Alley Cafe and walked some more in what's called the "Heart of Sante Fe", or Sante Fe's city square. The square has a small performing stage, a few food stalls, a grassy area, and a monument dedicated to the American Indian War. Michael and I stopped for a while to listen to one man playing a harp, people watch, and peruse more Native American jewelry and artwork.

From there we went to get a closer look at the Cathedral Basilica of Saint Francis of Assisi then headed back towards more of the shopping and art galleries. On our way to to Galerie Züger, we passed a man sitting down and holding a sign asking for money. My heart felt super compassionate towards the guy, but we didn't stop to talk to him. It sucked. I hate it when my heart breaks for someone but I don't yield to it and rationalize it away. It's sooo disobedient and irresponsible to Jesus. Not only that, but I thought I heard the name "Ralph" as we walked by him so it was really obvious God wanted to touch this man. But even if I hadn't felt anything or received any words, Jesus already gave the command two thousand years ago to love as you go. There's simply no excuse for disobedience.

Cathedral Basilica of Saint Francis of Assisi

We went ahead to view the exhibits at Galerie Züger. They were currently displaying sculptures by Gib Singleton and paintings by Michael Atkinson. Pope Benedict XVI's crosier is topped by one of Singleton's bronze crucifixes and his work is internationally-renowned. I admit that I've started to find depictions of Jesus hanging on a cross morbid (Jesus is alive and well!), so some of Singleton's art wasn't as appealing to me. But there were a couple sculptures (one showing a Roman soldier whipping Jesus and another with Jesus collasped under the weight of the cross) that nearly brought me to tears. Seeing Jesus so submitted and vulnerable always touches me. We spit upon, slapped, mocked, and nailed God-in-the-flesh to a crude wooden cross. Yet He endured it all without saying a word. The One who deserved to be the most exalted allowed himself to be the most trampled and abused for our sake:

"He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness." (1 Peter 2:22-24)

So then I felt even more like a turd for not submitting myself to the compassion Jesus has for the poor. Here I was, playing the pious little Christian in my safe bubble of Christian art. But admiring a figurine of Jesus on a cross doesn't put food in the mouth of the hungry. I felt sick at how religious I was being. I also realized I was waiting on Michael to take the lead, which is normally the healthy order of things in a marriage. But Jesus is my Lord - not my husband. So I serve the Lord first and Michael second. Michael and I are one flesh, but each individually accountable for our actions before Jesus. As soon as we were done viewing the artwork I told Michael I thought I needed to go back, so we did. I hesitated out of my own perceived awkwardness, but the reality that His Kingdom is not of this world put things back into perspective for me.

We approached the man again and asked him if the name 'Ralph' meant anything to him. But he said the only thing he could think of was that 'Ralph' reminded him of his drinking days (which I'm sure are far from over). We asked him if there was anything he needed prayer for and quite bluntly he told us he needed protection from people trying to murder him. Now whether that's true or not isn't my business - my one and only mission is to love. "No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him." (2 Timothy 2:4) Whether this man suffered from schizophrenia, demonic oppression or men were genuinely trying to murder him is irrelevant. Jesus is the solution to all those problems, and it's my job as His servant to proclaim and demonstrate that truth. Michael and I thanked God for his life, declared protection and rebuked any murderous spirit pursuing him.

But after we left I still didn't feel at peace for being obedient. I told myself it wasn't about me and it was about Jesus, but I still felt... disappointed. It just didn't seem like the encounter had any real, lasting impact on that man and I really struggled with how impersonal it felt. That of course brought in feelings of guilt for not being obedient the first time around: "Was it because I ignored him? Did I make it awkward? Did I make him feel like an afterthought? Jesus wouldn't have done that. I should have listened more. I should have gotten him food. I should have done more..." In the gospel of John it says that Jesus did not look at men's faces, and so often I find myself doing the exact opposite. I know that Jesus was so determined to do only what he saw the Father doing not just for our good, but for His perfect will too. There's simply no room for the approval of men when you're wholly satisfied by the approval of the Father. And more importantly, Michael reminded me, truth isn't based on a feeling. It doesn't matter if I don't "feel" obedient, the truth is, because of Jesus, I am obedient. Obedience is not dependent on a feeling! The battle for truth is in our minds: "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12) I had to tell myself that no matter how I felt or how that man felt, I did what God instructed me to do and that was all that mattered.

Outside of Holy Spirit Espresso

Still wrestling with my emotions, we walked on to find a place to get coffee. Michael stopped two guys holding a couple cups and asked where they got them. "Oh man, let me tell you where the best place to get coffee is... And the guy is super cool." He pointed us in the direction of a literal hole in the wall named - get ready for this - "Holy Spirit Espresso." Would I seem entirely credulous if I told you I took it as a sign that God was affirming Michael's and my obedience and our way of life? "For all who are led by the spirit are the sons of God." (Romans 8:14) All rationalizing and reasoning aside, I still find I have the heart of a child. But I guess that's best for the Kingdom anyways, isn't it?

And as if to prove it was meant to be interpreted solely as a sign from the Lord (and not "the best coffee in Sante Fe" as the sign boasted), the coffee was awful and the owner less than friendly. There was literally no honest way we could claim it was for a good cup of joe we were led there. The only explanation was that we were led by the Holy Spirit. Maybe that's taking things too far, but who am I to be choosy with my "signs" from the Lord?

On our way home we saw a dust devil and it was one of the coolest things I've seen since we've been here. We were maybe about a mile and a half away when we first saw it. As we got closer you could better gauge just how big it was. My grandpa once shared how dangerous they were, but I had only seen the small ones you occasionally see in suburban settings that last for a few seconds and dissipate. I couldn't imagine being worried over something like that. But this guy was huge. It would have been no trouble for it to cause damage to a person or other outdoor objects.

"The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart
from before the people" (Exodus 13:22)

Some say when the Israelites were leaving Egypt that the pillar of cloud God use to lead them by day may have been a large dust devil or whirlwind. So yet again our "pillar of cloud by day", our "Holy Spirit Espresso", our Counselor and Friend reminds us He will never leave us or forsake us. In all our comings and goings, He is faithful to the very end and is our ever-present Help in time of need.

It's hard not to love a God as big and creative as that.

What are some ways God communicates with you? Do you seek those opportunities out or do they seem to "fall in your lap"?

Going to the psychic fair, on purpose.

A couple weeks back Michael and I went with a friend to the local Psychic Fair. It's an all-weekend event that takes place twice a year here in the Kansas City. We went in on a Friday evening, bought tickets and spent the next couple hours walking around the place. Each and every time we step out, we learn something new. So it's always good to have a time of reflection afterwards to discuss how things went and what we could have done differently.

A lot has changed in our technique when it comes to ministering. We come from a strong background in apologetics - which is great if you want to argue, not so great if you want to actually build long-lasting relationships. And most people you run into at the psychic fair are already well versed in the Christian message. A lot grew up in the church but left after being hurt or abused in some way, so they're familiar with the ugly side of the system. They've intentionally turned to a culture where the people are less judgmental and more "accepting" of their differences. Apologetics simply doesn't work in a place like that. They've experienced the all-talk-no-walk Christianity and laying out a well-reasoned argument to "convert" isn't going to get you very far with them. So that's where most Christians stop. They see people who have blatantly turned their backs on God as "bad" or beyond their reach. But in reality, the fields are ripe for harvest, you just have to have the eyes to see it.

Love is a battlefield
I'm sure many of you have seen and heard a growing number of Christian's proclaiming God's impending judgement of America. He's likened to a ticking time-bomb, waiting for that trip of the wire. We're all on thin-ice with him: just one more abortion, one more memorial cross removed, one more gay marriage - and then it's punishment time for America's sins. But if it is in fact the case that God is planning on releasing judgement on America for all her failings, wouldn't the Church be the first place He'd pay a visit? I mean, whose fault is it really if this nation isn't reflecting the Kingdom? We kind of have an unfair advantage, don't you think? We have the Alpha and Omega, the Light of the World, the One True God, the Living Word living inside of us! We've been given everything we could possibly need in Jesus. (Phil 2:14-16, Col 1:13) What about the rest of the world? Can we really blame them for participating in excessive, addicting, harmful or sinful behavior? Let's be real. If Jesus were Donald Trump he'd tell the Church she was fired for not doing her job. We're the light of the earth and yet we don't shine for others to find their way out of the darkness.

A lamp is not hidden under a bowl, and yet the Church today seems to be particularly fond of residing within elaborately constructed "bowls" otherwise known as cathedrals. We prefer the "saftey" inside our church to the outside "dangers" of the world. So in the meantime, we neglect the thing most treasure to God, human souls, and leave them to fend for themselves. We have forgotten that the Lord, not a building, is our refuge and source of strength. We think we have a choice in the matter so we disobey and stay underneath our four-walled shelter, foolishly believing we're protected from all the "evil" outside. But the truth is we have forgotten that we were once lost and no more deserving of salvation than those we presently call enemies. Before Jesus, we were all open rebels of God. We lived our lives in direct opposition to His sovereignty. How quickly we forget! And rather than bring more glory to God by sharing the good news we freely received, we pathetically hide out behind a weak and ineffective religious fortification.

But now, more than ever, Christians must move from their defensive strongholds to take on forceful offensive advancements. The time for holding a defensive position for the sake of your pride or tradition ended with the ministry of John the Baptist. "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force." (Matt 11:12) We have nothing to fear, Jesus has overcome the world! Jesus said He has "given us authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you." (Lk 10:19) He tells Peter again in Matthew 16:18 that even the gates of Hell will not prevail over his Church. By contrast today, it is yet a popular defensive position to demonize Wiccans, pyshics, mystics, atheists and those in the occult. But Jesus loves witches. Jesus loves fortune tellers. And He loves them enough not to leave them where they're at. He wants them to stop being abused by the darkness they're in subjection to and find freedom in His relentless love for them. And he wants you to be the one to show them His love. How can you show them that freedom and acceptance if you're busy trying to protest their events and shout hideous names at them? Don't misunderstand me, I'm not preaching tolerance. I'm calling for a shift in thinking. I'm asking the Church to be renewed in their mind and mature in their thinking. I want to see a radical change in the Body of Christ from defending the Kingdom to bringing the Kingdom.

When will we learn that it's love that changes? Want to end abortion? Then stop focusing on how evil Planned Parenthood is and start focusing on how scared those women are. Want to help people with alcohol addictions? Then stop spending all your time condemning bars and start focusing on how lonely people feel. Want to see more people accept Jesus? Then stop calling the world "bad" and start putting your money where your mouth is. If this Jesus we know is so good and loving then what are you doing to prove it? From a Kingdom perspective, protesting an abortion clinic with shouting and signs is just as ineffective as sitting in a bible study complaining about the state of the world. Jesus said "Go!" That does not mean holding a rally against the devil. And it certainly does not mean holding a meeting in his name to pray for God to come down and put a Republican president in office. Let's grow up a little, Church.

Going on the offensive

That night at the psychic fair we prayed for many people. We prayed for people's legs to grow out, backs to be restored, pain to go, and the peace of God to fill hearts. We drew attention to ourselves (not that Michael doesn't do that already being six foot something with his dreads and brightly colored bandanas!). We drew some dirty looks, scowls, and snickers. At one point someone at a booth even grabbed one of their skulls and began petting it, I assume, as a way of coming against what we were doing. But it doesn't matter. Jesus loves! The love of God that brought Jesus to the cross is the same love that raised him from the dead. Love isn't a defensive tactic, it's a premeditated choice. It conquers fear and sets up freedom in it's place. (1 Jn 4:18)

I spent most my time that evening with a woman named Mindy who was doing henna tattoos. I found out the reason she loves drawing mehndi is because it gives her a sense of peace. I hear people all the time describe that when they participate in certain activities they feel "alive" or "in their element". Sometimes if they're Christian, they'll say they feel God's presence with them. I would say on occasion, I feel similar when I'm dancing or singing for the Lord. Mindy may not know who Jesus is, but she does know she experiences peace when she draws her henna. So after she drew mehndi on my hand and we left the fair, I wondered how I could have used that knowledge as a way to introduce Jesus. I thought of Paul as he walked through Athens:

"So Paul, standing in the midst of the Areopagus, said: "Men of Athens, I perceive that in every way you are very religious. For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, 'To the unknown god.' What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for "'In him we live and move and have our being'; as even some of your own poets have said, "'For we are indeed his offspring.'" (Acts 17:22-28)

Using Paul's strategy, I could have explained that the same peace Mindy feels when she draws henna comes from Jesus, the King of Peace. But I didn't say that and I walked away feeling like I failed to communicate the gospel to her. She did witness Michael grow two of her friend's legs out and one of her friend's back was healed in Jesus' name. So she definitely saw demonstrations of the Kingdom, she just didn't receive any teaching on the Kingdom. 

Looking back it was simply a case where we used the name of Jesus to put on yet another show among many at the psychic fair. And it made me think: I want to be careful to remember that Jesus isn't a spokesman for this great product we call Christianity. He is our life, our love, our Lord. Psychics, atheists, and transvestites are all familiar with the hypocritical salesman version of Jesus. They're not interested in yet another holy guru who had a few wise sayings then checked out of town. What they need is is the manifestation of the True Living Person: Jesus the Christ. They haven't met the One who sat at dinner with sinners and tax collectors, who loved prostitutes and reject disciples.  Who will introduce the real Jesus to them? Who will be a light to those lost in the darkness? You can't do it sitting in a pew Sunday after Sunday. You will have to go out among them, as an ambassador and representative of the Lord. It will cost you everything to be available and build meaningful relationships. It will mean late night phones calls, cooking dinners, and paying someone else's bills. It means laying down your life in the same way Jesus did for you. "For this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead, that though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does." (1 Pet 4:6)

Epilogue: Making yourself a conversation piece

Mehndi done in Lajpat Nagar during our last trip in India

In the days following the psychic fair I had a lot of people ask about my mehndi, which wasn't unexpected since the same thing happened after I returned to the U.S. from India. People would point to what was on my hands, and I would reply: "Oh, it's a temporary tattoo that uses henna and I had it done while I was in India." Then the conversation was pretty much over. It was suddenly not so weird that this blonde-haired, blue-eyed young woman had orange-maroon doodles all over her hands. After all, most people are aware that mehndi is a popular practice in India. But this last time I didn't get it done in a culture where it's a common practice. This time I got it done at your neighborhood psychic fair. No easy explanation for that!

I had to go to the DMV the following Tuesday. I came prepared to wait, so I had my Kindle and a friendship bracelet I was working on. While sitting there, a older woman sits down on the bench next to me with a little girl. Noticing my Kindle first, we strike up a conversation about how awesome eReaders are and the latest books we've enjoyed. Then as politely as possibly she stops asks, "Um, so what is it that's all over your hand?" I had a brief moment where I wasn't sure what to say. If I tell her I got it done at a psychic fair she'll think I'm into New Age stuff and that isn't cool. But if I'm not careful when I tell her I'm a Christian and went to the fair to pray for people, she'll think I'm one of those bible-beating Christians... So I say, "Well, I went with my husband and a friend to a psychic fair to bless and love on people and I decided to get some mehndi done." Silence. A funny look. Then, "Oh. So what do you mean by 'blessing' people?"

Touchdown.

From that point on I was able to explain what we were doing and in the process discovered that this individual, who I'll call Ms. M, was a Christian. Ms. M also shared that she was single and had adopted three girls. She had spent the past several years fighting Lupus and had just reached a point where she could live some quality of life. I was able to lay hands and pray for her and her daughters and bless her before it was my turn in line. We exchanged phone numbers and have remained in contact since that day. I look forward to developing a deeper relationship with Ms. M and being able to remain a help in her life.

That was just one instance of several over the next few days that made me realize something: I want to find ways of making myself more approachable and available. Yes, I can set apart time to go on a Treasure Hunt or compartmentalize my ministry time. But as I go I want to be expectantly ready for conversation and potential connections. That conversation at the DMV practically fell in my lap, but just think how things would have gone if I hadn't been prepared? In Paul's letter to Timothy, he instructs him to be prepared in season and out of season (2 Tm 4:2). Remember: we're not civilians, we're soldiers and we're on duty. We train by spending time in prayer and the Word, so when we have to go places like the DMV, we're armored for battle. It's not a dreaded errand, it's a critical mission to rescue hostages from the Enemy.

Are you challenged by the idea of introducing Jesus through everyday means? Can you think of practical ways to manifest His love to those you run into during a typical day?