Homesick

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.” - C.S. Lewis, from The Problem of Pain

I get pretty homesick here in New Delhi.

I'm not sure what triggers it, but I think it's mainly just a craving I get for things that are familiar.

Sometimes I'll think about Houston and all the places that I like visit when I'm there. 

Or sometimes I'll think about my mother-in-law's place, where it's surrounded by nature and quiet. 

Other times I'll think about our old apartment in Kansas City, with all the bike trails nearby and how close it was to all the places we liked to eat and shop.

In my heart I'll feel a longing for these places. I want to go back and live there again. I want to hear the familiar quiet, smell the familiar smells, and see the familiar things.

I want to be back where I'm comfortable and I know my way around. I want to be where I know all the best places to buy groceries, where I can anticipate the change in seasons, and where I know what to expect from the culture.

But during our last trip to the US, as I was enjoying being home for a little while, I couldn't shake this thought: "No matter how much I may miss the US, the US is not my home."

Yes, it's true.

America is a beautiful and blessed country. And I'm thankful to have been lived twenty-five out of twenty-six years of my life in such a prosperous nation.

But it's not my home.

It's as temporary a dwelling place as India. A fleeting shadow. And I'm just as much a foreigner there as I am here in India.

I have a more secure and permanent home hidden in the person of Jesus.

And as much as I long to be "home", Jesus is aching to find His home in me too. When He was with his disciples He told them He had no place to rest His head. (Mt. 8:20)

We're both homesick. And we can only find our true homes in one another.

It's just like Jesus said: if we dwell in Him, He will also dwell in us. (Jn 15:4)

So as much as I ache to be physically back in the US, what I'm really aching for is the fullness of the Kingdom to be made manifest. Because my true home, united and alive in Christ, is being continually built up for all eternity.

Singapore

View of Singapore's skyline from Marina Bay.

Michael and I just got back from Singapore this past Sunday.

I enjoyed Singapore. In so many ways it's a complete 180〫from Delhi. For it's size and population density, there's hardly any traffic or pollution. And the amount of greenery is amazing.

It's really impressive to see how they've made the most of the limited space and resources they have.

But for all the things I liked about Singapore, I enjoyed the time we spent with a couple of our friends the most.

It made me think about the value that relationships have, and how without relationships, our lives are incredibly empty.

No matter whether we're in a pristine a city like Singapore or a chaotic scramble like Delhi, life is only meaningful when it's lived out in relationship with Jesus and those around us.

Sharing dinner and dessert with our friends.

I confess, I've left Jesus out of a lot of my traveling experiences. And as much as I've enjoyed all the places we've been able to visit, without Him, I've only been appreciating them at a superficial level.

But Jesus is more alive than any man and the only one who truly knows how to live life to the fullest. If He's not the focus, what's the point?

And if I really want my heart to be fully alive and living in the present, I need be in relationship with the Lord and invite Him into my experiences abroad.

Blaming

Several weeks ago, I had been spending quite a bit of time whining and complaining about living here in Delhi. After a few minutes of going on and on, God finally asked me: "What will you do when you don't have India to blame anymore?"

I felt like I had just been woken up. And then I thought back to all the other occasions in my life where I went looking for people or things to blame. Talk about an unattractive personality trait.

I started to wonder where that came from and why I always felt the need to look outwards for scapegoats.

I traced a lot of it back to a feeling of helplessness and lack of control.

In the case of being here in India, I feel completely at the mercy of the people, the places and the culture. I don't always know where I'm at or how to communicate my needs to those around me, so I feel frustrated and defeated.

When we were in Rome, we had to figure out how to use the underground metro system to get around the city. As we were sitting on the train I thought to myself, "No one else is going to do things for you, only you can be responsible for how you live your life."

It's no different here in Delhi. Yes, this is a hard place to live. Yes, it's hard to learn the language. Yes, it's hard to know whether you're being told the truth or not. But in the end, no one else is going to figure all that out for me. No one else is going to step in and take over responsibility for my things for me.

Michael and I deliberately chose to move to Delhi. Over the course of a year, we made decision after decision that enabled us to come and live in this place. We had even visited Delhi on 3 different occasions before we accepted the offer to come here. We knew what we were getting ourselves into. (Well, maybe we didn't know about that one part about not touching your dishwasher after the geyser pipe bursts water all over the place. One word: Electrocution.)

I don't want to be like the servant who intentionally chose to bury his talent in the ground, and had the audacity to blame the Master for his own actions. I can't go on blaming India, or anyone else, for all my problems and discomforts. 

If I'm not stewarding this season here well, it's time for me to stop shifting the responsibility on others and start asking myself why.

Michelangelo's Tragedy and the Sistine Chapel

Entrance to the Sistine Chapel.
(No pictures were allowed inside.)

While Michael and I were on our tour of the Vatican, our guide spent some time talking about the history behind the Sistine Chapel and the famed artist, Michelangelo, who painted it. You can read on your own a more detailed account of what happened, according to Michelangelo, but I'll just quickly relate the story here.

It goes something like this: At the time, the Pope's conclave was in need of some refreshing and so he asks the famed fresco painter, Raphael, who he should commission to paint the chapel. Raphael recommends Michelangelo - who was known more for his sculpting than painting. Raphael's hope was that if Michelangelo botched the painting of the chapel, Raphael's own work would achieve greater recognition, meanwhile Michelangelo's reputation as an artist would be ruined.

The Pope listens to Raphael's recommendation and tells Michelangelo that he wants him to paint the chapel. But Michelangelo is hesitant and declines the Pope's initial request because he believed he was only a sculpture, and not a painter.

But the Pope is insistent, and so some 500 years later, we have Michelangelo's famously-painted ceiling and altar wall of the Sistine Chapel.

When our tour guide was done telling this story, she asked a couple of incredibly powerful questions: "Just think, what if the whole time Michelangelo knew that he was more than just a sculptor and that he was a painter too? How many more Sistine Chapel's would we have in existence today?"

Those questions got me thinking, how much is lost when we chain down our identities to what we believe we can or can't do?

Then I began applying our guide's questions a little differently to my own experiences: What if I knew I was more than just a wife or a cook? What if that homeless man knew he was more than a homeless man? What if the kid who didn't make the basketball team knew he was more than just a basketball player?

What if our identities weren't wrapped up in our beliefs about ourselves?

What if we let ourselves be, as Mother Teresa once said, "a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world"?

Historians have since gone back and said Michelangelo's account of how he came to paint the Sistine Chapel is probably untrue, and that there's no external evidence to suggest that Raphael had any plans to underhand Michelangelo. 

But even if the story's not true, don't you think it's sad that Michelangelo wrote it down as though it was? Don't you think it says something about how Michelangelo viewed himself? 

It makes me wonder too, where was the voice of truth in Michelangelo's life? Who did he have in his life that could have encouraged more of his talents in painting as well as sculpting?

I'm not saying that everyone's a Michelangelo waiting to happen. There are just some skills we stink at, and we'd be fooling ourselves not to admit that. (We've all seen American Idol and what happens when people don't have an accurate perception of their abilities).

But sometimes we're actually closing doors to greater things when we mistakingly believe we don't posses a certain skill or quality. And that's a tragedy.

The Pietà by Michelangelo, inside St. Peter's Basilica.

No one can deny that Michelangelo was genius. And whether or not he painted a million more Sistine Chapels if had he considered himself a painter, doesn't take away from all the other masterpieces he created.

But the tragedy of Michelangelo does not lie in his accomplishments or lack of accomplishments. The tragedy of Michelangelo is that he believed a lie that his painting skills were inferior and not worth investing in.

Many of us today have been believing a lie that we don't have anything to offer the world. But Paul says in Romans that creation is groaning, waiting for the sons of man to be fully revealed.

And not only is all of creation groaning, but Jesus is yearning for us to walk in the fullness of His design too.

Living out the fullness of who He created us to be brings joy to the world, and glory to the One who meticulously sculpted and fashioned you before the world began.

Joseph and Jesus

The other night before bed, I was thinking about how much Joseph and Jesus had in common.

I thought about how Joseph's brothers threw him into that pit and left him there to die. But then Joseph was raised up out of that pit and brought into Egypt to eventually become a respected official. 

Several years down the road, when he finally met his brothers again, he said to them: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." (Gn 50:20)

I could clearly see Jesus in Joseph's story:

1. Joseph was favored by his father (Gn 37:3); Jesus is favored by the Father.

2. In the same way that Joseph told his family the truth about himself by relating his prophetic dreams (Gn 37:5-9), Jesus also came bringing good news and proclaiming his true identity to His family, the Jews.

3. They were both stricken, alienated from their homes, and brought into the lowest places of servitude. Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt (Gn 37:28); Jesus came down from heaven to earth (and eventually going down into the very depths of hell) to be the servant of all men.

4. In each case, after their families led them out to be left for dead, they "rose" again for the benefit of all men: Joseph was sold into slavery but eventually became one of the most trusted officials in the Pharaoh's palace. He saved many people of Egypt from starvation in midst of famines (Gn 39:1-5). Jesus was led away to be flogged and crucified, but now sits at the right hand of the Father and has been glorified. And He's still saving people from all corners of the earth to this very day.

What Joseph's brothers meant for harm, God meant for good. Not just Joseph's good, but the good of many people. What the Jews meant for harm, God meant for good. And not just for Jesus' good, but for the good of all people. Joseph saved lives from natural starvation and hunger. Jesus saves lives from natural AND spiritual starvation and hunger.

Unless a seed falls down to the ground and dies...

The reality is, we're now living inside a New Covenant with the Lord. One more perfect than the Old Covenant Joseph was living in. But when we look the Old Testament, we still see that narratives point to one Man: Jesus the Christ. 

Joseph's life was recorded for us as an example of the way Jesus would come proclaiming the Kingdom, and bringing many sons into His glory. As with everything in the Old Testament, his life was a shadow of the reality to come.

I just love it when an old familiar bible story like this suddenly comes to life and reveals Jesus in a way I had never noticed before.

Bollywood Birthday Dancing

Unlike most Americans, Indians use their body language to communicate more than their facial expressions.  Once particular expression I really enjoy is their style of dancing. 

I recently went to a birthday party where the little girl and her friends were dancing to different Bollywood songs. It was so charismatic and lively.

It reminded me of a story I once heard about a man who went to heaven in a vision. In the vision he saw King David dancing before the Lord. The angel told the man that David danced like that day and night before Jesus. Sometimes when I’m by myself, listening to worship music, I like to dance. I imagine being like King David in that vision and dancing my heart out before Jesus.

I think in heaven there will be lots of dancing. All the peoples and cultures of the world will dance before the Lord day and night. Irish dancing, Indian dancing, Turkish dancing, Russian dancing; there will be so much happiness and jubilation. We won’t be able to stop.

I’m thankful for times of celebration and the expressions of song and dance.

Turning over a new leaf.

After nine months without an update, I've decided to take things in a new direction on this blog.

Since January, I've had trouble blogging for a few reasons:

1. Transitioning to Delhi has required a lot of time and emotional energy, and I didn't feel like giving a whole lot of effort to maintaining a blog.

2. I  shut down my Facebook and a lot of other social-media accounts to focus on this blog. But after we moved to India, it turned out to be easier for me to just use Facebook as a way to stay in touch with family. Facebook then slowly replaced my need for blogging.

3. And finally, I  knew I had only planned on blogging for six months when I started. I just wanted to experiment and see where things went. But after a while, I felt like I ran out of things of value to share, so I stopped writing altogether.

It wasn't until August, that I started toying around with the idea of blogging again.

I decided to create a Tumblr account. At the time, I still didn't feel like I had anything of value to share on a regular basis, and I didn't want the weight of a blog to maintain, so it was a good option for me. Tumblr allowed me to write a quick, focused post once a day and move on. And that turned out to be about as much as I could write anyways.

Then in September I started journalling again. I still wasn't ready to blog, but I felt ready to process life again through writing. Right around the same time, we were also visiting the States, and a few people randomly mentioned that I should blog as a way of passing the time living in Delhi. I took the hint.

I'm still not entirely sure what I'll be blogging about. I've been asking God what He wants me to say. Should I just share what I journal about privately, the real and the raw stuff? Or should I try harder to focus on sharing the little revelations and thoughts I have throughout the day? I've also asked Him a couple times if I should change the name, but I haven't heard a response.

In the meantime, I'll be transitioning some of my posts from Tumblr over here to this blog. They're short and they focus on things I'm thankful for.

(Just a reminder: If you haven't already, and would like to, you can subscribe to my posts by entering your email address in the box to the right, underneath my profile.)

5 easy (and effective) ways to brighten someone else's day

I mentioned in an earlier post on having impact that as we go through our day, there are simple things we can do to be intentional in our relationships with others. I wanted to elaborate on that a little more by giving you some very basic gestures to implement in your day-to-day goings.

So here are the 5 easy and effective ways I use to connect with those around me during the day:

1. It doesn't cost you to give a compliment.

Remember the times when you were little and your teacher would compliment your work on an assignment? Or when you got a hive-5 from your coach on a good play? What about recently when your boss recognized you in front of your team or organization?

The times when we've been praised for a job well done are easy to remember. They're the small shining treasures we're proud of and we feel good about. They give us confidence for the days when we don't hear that "thank you" for our hard work.

By contrast, how often do we get told when we're not doing our job? For each time we can remember being recognized for our hard work, I bet most of us can remember five other times when we were not recognized. Ouch.

A lot of times we think we don't need to say "thank you" when someone is doing something they're already expected to do. While I think there are a lot of instances where that's true, I also think it's important to acknowledge that no one has to do anything for you or anyone else. I believe there is a balance between being entitled and being grateful. Sure, a waiter is expected to bring food to my table when I eat out, but I'm still thankful for his service - even if it's an already expected part of his job.

In a case study done by COLLOQUY, a loyalty marketing research and consulting network, they found that we're more likely to vocalize our negative experiences than our positive ones:

"75% of the general population said that when they’ve had a bad experience with a product or service they advise friends and family. That surpasses the 42% who said they always recommend a product or service they really like; the 71% who said they’re always looking to experience something new; and the 67% who said they love telling people about something new they’ve learned."^{[Hickman, Jill, and Wardah Malik. "Urban Legends: Word-of-Mouth Myths, Madvocates and Champions." COLLOQUY TalkTalk. LoyaltyOne. Cincinnati, OH. March 2011. Reading.]}

So it makes you wonder, how often do companies and individuals like our friends, family, and spouses get to hear when they've actually done something right?

Why don't we try something different? The next time you have a good experience, pay attention. Look at the person's name tag who is helping or serving you. Make mental notes and find a few attributes you really liked about the person helping you. Then, highlight those attributes and your experience in a note or phone call to their boss. If you're short on time, many restaurants and businesses have online feedback forms where you can submit your thoughts. It only takes 5 - 10 minutes at most to leave a quick note. And if you need more motivation, some companies will even mail you gift cards to their store or free meal vouchers at their restaurant.

Michael and I once submitted positive feedback on Macaroni Grill's website regarding our waitress. Within 2-3 weeks, we had a personal letter from customer relations and a $25 food gift certificate, thanking us for taking the time to share our experience. That's was basically a free meal for 4 sentences and 5 minutes of our time. Talk about a compliment that didn't cost us anything!

2. Smile like you mean it.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to gravitate towards people who smile more? Or how many of us go out of our way to get the sales associate who's smiling when we have a question about a product, simply because we think they'll be more helpful?

So what's in a smile that something so small can cause us to react in such overt ways? In an article published by Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson titled "What's embodied in a smile?" they wrote that:
"... displays of amusement and pride were signaled by smiles, but that amused smiles tended to be open-mouthed, whereas smiles of pride had compressed lips. In contrast, awe was typically expressed with raised eyebrows and a slightly open mouth, but not with smiles. This study highlights that there is likely more than one kind of smile and that different smile configurations may communicate different affective states."[Disa A. Sauter and Stephen C. Levinson (2010). What's embodied in a smile?. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33 , pp 457-458 doi:10.1017/S0140525X10001597]

It seems our smiles can literally speak volumes about what we're experiencing internally. Have you thought about what your smile (or lack thereof) is saying to those around you?

A strong, genuine smile makes you feel valuable and important. Conversely, a forced or fake smile can create tension or even hurt someone's feelings. A study from The University of Miami even learned that people who experience rejection might be able to better distinguish a fake smile from the real thing. They hypothesize this is because those who are aquatinted with rejection eventually learn cues that indicate insincerity, which helps them identify when to avoid wasting energies on potentially harmful relationships.[1]

Now really, how many times does someone have to experience rejection before they develop skills for telling the difference between a genuine smile and an insincere smile - all so they won't be hurt? It makes me incredibly sad to think this is life for some people, and particularly here in India among the Dalits and others in poverty. This is an area of innocence that no one should loose. A child learns to trust that a smile means care, love and security. When does that unguarded trust turn to suspicion? I pray we all try to be more aware of our own authenticity in our actions and smiles.

Unfortunately, however, fake smiling doesn't just affect those who have experienced rejection. It can have some pretty big impacts internally for you too. Another study published in the Academy of Management Journal, researchers Brent Scott and Christopher Barnes discovered that fake smiling can actually be worse for you than not smiling at all. In a practice labeled "surface acting", they discovered that employees who were required to "put on a face" for their boss were prone to burn out and in some cases depression.[2]

The need to put on a face to impress typically comes from insecurity. But we are very limited creatures and our well of life only runs so deep, so we can only keep up the performance for so long. To change this we have to look externally to an infinite and pure resource to meet our need. In his very self, Jesus offers an eternal resource of living water that never runs dry or leaves you feeling empty. There is nothing lacking in you when you are filled with Him. When He's living in your heart, you won't be smiling because you have to anymore, you'll suddenly be smiling because you can't help yourself!

The bottom line is that smiling is one of those tiny actions that has huge impact. The next time you're out shopping, meeting new people, ordering food or even talking over the phone, be aware that your smile is affecting those around you just as much as it's affecting you.

So do yourself and others a favor and smile like you mean it!

3. If they matter, remembering their name matters.

Obviously, I believe that human beings are all created in the image of God and because of that, each and everyone of us is valuable independent of what we may think.

So by saying that everyone matters, am I'm saying that everyone deserves having their name remembered?

Well... yes.

Honestly, this really isn't that difficult to do, especially considering most people you run across on a day-to-day basis will have a name tag, name plate or business card to identify them. For everyone else, you'll just have to do it the old fashion way by asking and remembering!

You know that lady who ALWAYS checks you out at the grocery store? You know, the one with the short, brown, stringy hair? Yeah, her name is Wendy. But you knew that already didn't you? And how did you know that? Her name tag.

So now that you knew her name, the next time instead of averting eye-contact by fumbling around in your purse or pretending to be more interested at the trash magazines beside you, ask Wendy how she's doing. She probably won't share a whole lot the first time, but listen for key details. Then the next time you're in there, let Wendy know it's good seeing her again and bring up a few of the things she mentioned last time. It will show her you genuinely care and she'll begin to open up a little more each and every time.

Heck, she may even begin to like scanning that stinky cheese and fish you always buy.

We all want to feel special, and whether we like our name or not, a bit of our identity is attached to it. Remembering a person's name is like saying, "I know there are 7 billion people on this planet, but you're important to me and you matter!"

4. Please just shut up and listen.

"If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut." -  Albert Einstein

Have you ever been pouring your heart out about a really frustrating problem, only to have the "listener" TELL you what you need to do? Or worse, they end up telling you how you ought to feel, basically making your emotional experience illegitimate?

Next they'll somehow turn your vent session around to focus on them and their personal problems. Before you know it, you're somehow consoling the person who's supposed to be consoling you!

I sheepishly admit to being that person on more than one occasion. And I'm sure there's been several times I've made people want to ask: "Ashley, will you please just shut up and listen?!"

I read once that if you want to persuade someone you're a good friend, then be quiet and listen. Unfortunately, listening is not a strength for most of us. But with some practice and refocusing, we can all learn to become better listeners.

The first step to being a good listener involves, you guessed it: learning how to listen! Too often we're more focused on getting to say what's on our mind than paying attention to the other person talking. Often times, what a person doesn't say communicates a lot more than what they do say. But when we're not fully invested in the person in front of us, we may end up missing those subtle details or hidden information. Listening involves taking the focus off of yourself and giving your full attention to the person speaking.

Christian philosopher Greg Koukl once shared in a lecture that if you want people to think you're interesting, ask questions! So the second step to being a better listener is to ask relevant questions. And asking questions actually helps you as much as it helps the person talking because it keeps you engaged in the conversation and it communicates interest in the speaker.

Then, depending on the conversation or person, there may be an opportunity to give advice or feedback -- but don't be surprised if some people are just happy to have someone listen to them.

To give you an example, last year Michael and I spent the weekend together with some friends in Arkansas at a healing conference. In the evening we went out to a Wal-Mart to heal people in Jesus' name. We were able to minister to several people, but just before leaving, Michael and I saw a lady in a motorized cart. Since we were in "healing mode" we weren't anticipating that maybe this woman just needed someone to listen when we initially approached her.

It turned out, she did have an illness and some pain, but she had recently moved to Arkansas with no family or friends, and the family she did have wouldn't speak to her. So in this case taking the time to let this woman vent and cry meant more to her than not having to use her motorized cart. Listening was the most loving thing we could have done.

Which leads me to the third step in becoming a good listener: Being a good listener means being flexible.

Listening is a full-time job, and you have to be ready in and out of season. I'm not saying let people "dump" on you all the time and use you to justify their unhealthy behaviors. I'm saying be giving in your time and flexible in your actions. Meaning, give people the time of day and don't give canned responses. We're all individuals with unique needs at different times in our life. Can you give 100% of your time to every single person on the planet, obviously the answer is no. But with healthy boundaries, you can at least give some of your listening time to those you encounter day-to-day.

By giving your full attention, asking the right questions, and being sensitive to where that person is at you'll become an effective listener, and through love, bring comfort to someone's day.

5. Being loyal does not mean you have to be a creeper.

Building a relationship takes time - something that most of us seriously lack. Fortunately with a little more intentionality and focus, you can build relationships with people practically anywhere you go.

The moment most of us left high school or college, making friends instantly became very difficult. The bubble that gave context and routine to our friendships popped with graduation, and despite all the oaths, swearing and promises we made - we eventually lost touch with most folks.

We enter the "real world" guaranteed with less structure, similarities and time than we had while in school. Suddenly we don't have to have lunch or class with the same people everyday. Sure you work with the same people seven days a week, but you quickly learn that you're not necessarily obligated to interact with them in meaningful ways. And it's that convenient little option that, while freeing at first, can eventually shut you off to making new friends.

So now when you get off work and stop in by the convenient store, you maintain that same attitude: "I have my own tasks to take care of and I'm not obligated to interact with anyone outside of my bubble." So you get your cigarettes, pay for your gas and treat the cashier just like a program on your computer. You insert cash and get back a product.

Let's say this is the case for you. Every day, for the next three years, you make a stop at this particular convenient store on your way home. If we were to multiply the average number of working days in the U.S. (260) by those three years, that means you could potentially be visiting this convenient store 780 times. That's 780 times you could have the opportunity to learn the cashier's name, how his day went, how his kids are doing, or what his plans were for the weekend. That might even be enough time to figure out if you even like the guy or not!

Whether this is your routine or not, my point is, it doesn't take being a complete stalker to get to know someone. If you like buying lotto tickets, try going to the same gas station that's on your way home and getting to know the cashier. Like coffee? Visit the same coffee shop before you go into work in the mornings and have a little small talk with the barista. Was that frozen yogurt last Friday night amazing? Go back next Friday, and this time, invite your friends and introduce them to the manager. (By the way, Michael and I have actually done this and scored free yogurt and coupons in the process.)

By practicing loyalty to a certain location or person you allow for an increased opportunity for relationship. I'm not saying break the bank by driving to the other side of town and ordering a mocha frape maximum grande every single day of the week. I'm saying as you go look for occasions to build a relationship with people you already come into contact with.

Michael and I like coffee. As in really like coffee. Hold the Starbucks, if you please - we want the good stuff. We've invested in different specialty brewers, grinders and we occasionally even roast our own beans. So does it make sense for us to go out and spend $56 a week on coffee when we have everything we need to make an amazing cup at home? Of course not. But once a week or so, on our date night, we make a visit to a local coffee shop. Why? Because $8 a week is worth a friendship or at least getting to know someone a little better.

Take for instance the story I shared about the woman at the coffee shop in Houston. Michael and I have made it a point to visit this particular coffee shop at least once every time we're in Houston. And because of that effort, it's opened up a realm of influence into the owner's life. So much so that she's cried on our shoulder and we've been able to pray with her. All that just from taking time to talk to her like a human being and not a coffee-making robot.

There are probably countless ways you can build relationship with people. Be creative and think of those you already have regular contact with that no one else does. Is it the elderly lady that walks her dog when you run every night? Is it the Post Office clerk that works every Friday when you go to mail your bills? Is it the homeless man on that one intersection right before you turn onto the highway? Is there someone who needs compliment or smile that I'm in a unique position to give? Is there someone worth remembering their name and who needs me to listen when no one else will?

Contrary to what some may still think, this kind of an effort doesn't make you a weirdo. It may make you an exception to the hundreds of other people that walk through a person's life - but it does not make you creepy. You just need to ask yourself: If you don't care to be loyal and make an investment in that person's life, who else will?

The place where everybody knows your name.

Just reading those words instantly bring the melody of the theme song from Cheers to mind.

We all want to believe there's a place for us in the world. A place with genuine smiles, friends, laughter and warmth. A place where we can catch a break and let our guard down. And I think that's the reason so many of us warm up to the song "Where Everybody Knows Your Name".

I believe the Church should be that place for the world. (And by Church, I mean the living, breathing, moving Body of Christ - not necessarily the fixed structure made of four walls and a steeple.)

I believe as the walking, talking Body of Jesus we can be the place where people come to meet with a familiar friend, one who knows their name and listens when they had a bad day. Sinners and tax collectors wanted to be around Jesus. They felt comfortable around him because he gave them the time of day. He didn't treat them like a bunch of hopeless, unlawful scumbags. He treated them like human beings who were desperately loved by an all good and all wonderful Father.

Can people say that they feel comfortable around you, just like Jesus? Can people say that they feel special when they're around you, just like Jesus? Can people say they see Jesus when they see you?

As an ambassador in chains to the Gosepl (Jesus), the answer to all those questions should be yes, yes, yes! If not, maybe it's time to reevaluate who we're reflecting and adjust our mirrors to see Jesus!

"Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.  You wanna be where everybody knows Your name. You wanna go where people know, people are all the same. You wanna go where everybody knows your name..."

--------------------

1. Association for Psychological Science. "Phony Friends? Rejected People Better Able To Spot Fake Smiles." ScienceDaily, 24 Oct. 2008. Web. 22 Nov. 2011.
2. Michigan State University. "For a better workday, smile like you mean it." ScienceDaily, 22 Feb. 2011. Web. 21 Nov. 2011.

Having Impact

Serving food to a community of migrant workers in Ciudad Juarez. (2008)

As of today, both our visas have been approved. We expect them to arrive by tomorrow which will allow us to fly out as early as this coming Monday. But lately as we've been saying our goodbyes, I've been noticing the impact we've had on those around us. Everyone from the kid at our favorite coffee shop to the cashier at our local pharmacy has been in some way impacted by us.

It really hit me this morning when Michael and I received a thank you from one of the gals in our old leasing office. Before we broke our lease the assistant manager was adamant that we should see her one last time to say our goodbyes, but when we turned in our keys she had already gone for the day. So I left a little note, sharing how much we enjoyed living there and what a pleasure it's been to know her. I wrote some contact information and set it on her desk. After we got back to our hotel, I went to their corporate website and left some positive feedback sharing how amazing the staff had been and we felt they should be recognized for their stellar service.

So this morning, when I read the response from her I was totally touched by it. It was incredibly personal and sweet. She thanked us for the feedback we sent to their corporate office and made it a point to say: "It really made my day and believe me, the feeling is mutual." I suddenly had this moment where I realized how easily our life can have impact on someone else when we're intentional about loving as we go.


Rivers, Dams, and Crash Diet Christianity

One unfortunate and natural consequence of the the church being institutionalized is that we compartmentalize our spiritual life from our "worldly" life. It's kind of like crash dieting in that we set aside a fixed time period for intense, highly spiritualized ministry - but as soon as we're done we go back to our normal routine and eventually put back on all those "pounds" (read: sin) we tried so hard to loose. But Jesus says in Luke that: “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Being a disciple of Jesus means we live in a perpetual state of freely receiving love from the Father and freely sharing that love with others.

In John 7:38 Jesus describes this free-flowing lifestyle as having "rivers of living water." Any river that gets dammed up automatically means it is not flowing freely. In fact, damming up a powerful river at designated intervals can be disastrous for the land that follows it's course. Jesus then says in Matthew 6:24 that: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." So it is not only unnecessary to categorize our lives into neat boxes of "secular" and "religious", but Jesus says it's actually impossible for us to do that!

In the same ways that crash dieting is too extreme to be sustainable long-term, and damming up a strong river brings extremes of deluge or drought; compartmentalizing our walk with Jesus brings reoccuring "spiritual" highs and lows that stunt growth and can eventually lead to burn out.


A Recovering To-Do Lister

Michael and I pay bills, get coffee, check our mail, go out to eat, and shop for last-minute gifts just like anyone else. The only thing we may do differently is that we make certain allowances in our time because we put building a relationship above task completion. We go into all situations assuming we can make a friend and we value a lasting friendship more than a forty-minute dinner at Cheesecake Factory.

And all this is coming from yours truly, who by nature, is an extremely task-oriented individual! It isn't easy for me to allow wiggle room when I'm in "the zone". I view most relationships as an assignment to accomplish rather than a gift to enjoy. It sounds so mechanical and cold, but that's just how my brain works! Of course I enjoy good conversation. It just needs to be scheduled and on my to-do list. It's truly not my natural inclination to just go with the flow and allow for that unexpected chit-chat at the gas pump when I've got places to go and things to do!

But over time I've learned how to be more intentional in that area and I've allowed Jesus to shift my priorities around. On Jesus' way to raise Lazarus from the dead (which by the way, Lazarus was someone he dearly loved and cared for) he took the time to "minister" to a women who had been bleeding for twelve years. Jesus was never too task-focused for a relationship-building opportunity. Can you imagine if Jesus had said to that woman, "Sorry, Friday night is when I do outreach, if you want to be healed of your ailment, come to me then." If Jesus is the exact representation of God, and he made himself so available as to heal a woman (who by the way was acting unlawfully by touching a rabbi while being ceremonially unclean due to her bleeding) while on his way to raise his friend from death; what then does that say about our Heavenly Father?

God commands in Leviticus 6:13 that "Fire shall be kept burning on the altar continually; it shall not go out." The temple was a shadow of God grandeur design, but the symbolism here is so rich. God's love, forgiveness, salvation, mercy, grace, goodness... All of who He is is always available to us. Always. And there is nothing you or I or anyone else can do to remove our High Priest (who is Jesus) from His temple (which is us)! He is always near to us and He will never stop loving us: "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rm 38-39)


The God Who Made His Dwelling Place With Man

Traveling musicians in the Old Market

district of Omaha, Nebraska.

God designed us for Him, to have impact for Him, and to love with His big strong love. Our favorite response when someone asks us how we've been is to say, "Busy!" We're simply "too busy" to get to know these people that we run in to day after day after day. They shouldn't be a stranger to us, but since we believe that there are special times for taking interest in other people's lives, we never think outside the box and reach out. We miss out on these incredible opportunities to connect and share the love of God.

That one human being that we don't notice is the same one that God is completely and totally fixed upon. He is watching their every move. He's in love. His heart is captivated by them. And His love for them is inside of our hearts too, if He is in fact dwelling in us. Let's not dam up the "rivers of living water" that flow from the heart of God and though our hearts. And let's also not preform a hyper-drive crash diet love that really only comes from our own limited efforts and cannot be sustained. Instead let's just allow Jesus to live through us and give Him freedom to take genuine interest in the clerk at the pharmacy or the high school student at the coffee shop.

Jesus is enough. Every day, He is enough. Because of Him and through Him and for Him, we can have impact.

In your daily routine, how can you reach out to those you encounter? Off the top of your head, how many people can you think of where there's the opportunity to build a closer relationship with them?

Are we there yet?

The moving van parked outside our apartment.

The movers came Tuesday and, just like that, all of our stuff is packed and ready for long-term storage or India. Michael recorded the some of the process  on video in case we want to share it with family and friends (or kids) someday.

Before the movers were scheduled to come out we had to complete what's called a "Valued Inventory" of our belongings. So for the past month we've been hammering away on this massive inventory list for the moving company and insurance. 

If you have ever done one of these before, you know how big of a headache they can be. If you haven't, I'd liken it to one of those papers your professor assigns at the beginning of the semester, but since it isn't due until the end you put it off. You know, the kind where you're supposed to pace yourself but instead you only do a little research here and there. After a while you think, "Hey, this isn't so bad after all" and you might even start to wonder why everyone else is so stressed about it. But then you really dig in and suddenly you realize how much work you're going to have to do to get this paper done.

And I wouldn't say that we have a lot of stuff. In fact, I'd say we're pretty bare bones. But we didn't realize how much stuff we actually owned until we had to list it out, piece by individual piece, then ascribe a monetary value to it. We decided to look at more than just the cost of replacement, but whether or not a particular item held any present usefulness. So it didn't matter how much something was worth, if we knew it wouldn't work for us in India, it stayed behind or went to a donation center.

Our visas are still pending approval, so we'll be staying in a hotel until those arrive (hopefully within the next week or so.) October through February is the best time to visit Delhi, but October in particular is a holiday month for most Indians. Because of this, our visas could possibly take much longer than usual.

Are you sure all that came from inside our place?

Michael and I are still in disbelief. Is this really happening? I mean… really? Are we actually moving to India - and are we actually going to be living there? For a year? Or more? It makes you ask other questions like: "Why us? What made us so special? Why were we given this opportunity and not someone else?"

September 25th came and went this year, but on that day in 2008 God was doing a lot of amazing things in my life. I was experiencing incredible deliverance and healing. His Holy Spirit was ministering to my heart and He was sharing his heart with me. On one occasion we were talking and Jesus told me three times: "I have great things in store for you. I have great things in store for you. I have great things in store for you."

I look back on that conversation and remember all the adventures Michael and I have been on together. Then I think.. Wow. God is so amazing. He's so good. He knew about India when He told me that. The God of the universe - He's so big - shared His heart with me. Like a Father teasing his little girl with a big surprise, God let me in on a little bit of His plans for me.

You can call me wishy-washy, but I think dates have meanings. Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, began at sunset September 28th. Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement, begins at sunset October 7th (tomorrow). Michael and I are entering a new season, a new adventure. In India, what will God have in store for us in the Jewish year of 5772?

Does God communicate to you through special dates or observances in your life? What are some significant seasons you cherish in the time you've known Jesus?

Thank You

My grandma Clarine
Nov. 8th, 1932 - Sep.  6th, 2011

My grandma Clarine passed away on September 6th.

Her twin sister, my Aunt Charlene, died three weeks earlier.

It's been a time of grief and sorrow for my family. A time for reflection and mourning. A time for comfort and tenderness. And during seasons like this, it can be difficult to find a reason to be thankful.

But we can still make the choice.

There's a lot I could say, but I think the most important fact is my Grandma knew Jesus. When her health began to decline several years ago, I had many opportunities to pray for and with her. Sometimes I'd pray with her in person when I was in town, sometimes over the phone, and other times I would write a prayer in a card and mail it to her. I'm thankful for the times I could listen to her and offer her my support through prayer.

It's hard being sick all the time. Where the hours go for someone in pain no one knows, but I do know that Jesus counts them all. I know that His skin was torn into with shards of metal, nail and bone for our healing. His body was beaten and scourged so that our bodies could be made whole. Jesus died for our eternal salvation - yes - but he died for our temporal well-being too. We can partake in His victory during our time here on earth just as much as His victory after death in heaven.

My grandma out with family at the pool.

My grandma told me that some days she would just tell the Devil, "Get out of here!" She knew it wasn't God making her sick. God doesn't make people sick; the devil does. He's a liar, thief and murderer. But Jesus said he saw Satan fall like lightening from heaven and told his disciples that they had been given all authority to tread on Satan and all his minions.

We still have that authority today, and that alone is something to be thankful for.

I don't understand why some people get healed and some people don't. It makes me sad that out of all the times I prayed for my grandma, she wasn't healed of all her pain. I confess to even experiencing guilt for not praying enough or harder or fasting more, or something, anything... But God's grace is made perfect in our weakness.  More importantly, I know that my experiences do not define the truth. And I'm so thankful for the reality that God's grace is sufficient and it's His good pleasure to give us healing.

My sister, mom, grandma and me.

During our trip to Houston in August, I was able to have some private time with my grandma in her bedroom. We joked a little, she wished us the best in India and she told me that she and grandpa knew how much I loved them. Then she held my hand and simply said, "Ashley, I can feel it." And I knew she was telling me goodbye for the last time here on earth. I nodded and all I could think to say was, "Okay grandma."

Sometimes a lot more is said in someone eyes than words can express. I knew she was tired. She was ready. I'm thankful I was given the opportunity to look her in the eye, tell her I loved her and say goodbye.

I don't know this for sure, but I think sometimes God bypasses our emotions with his grace to enable us to complete a task. At my grandma's memorial, I sat behind my grandpa, my mom, and her three brothers. I could only see their backs, but my heart was filled with compassion and sadness for them. My heart ached terribly watching my grandpa's sagging shoulders or the seeing the tissue raised to my mom's face. In John 11:35 it says that Jesus literally burst into tears at the sight of Lazarus' family weeping. I thank God for the closure I received before my grandma's passing if it meant there was some way I could be a comfort to my family.

Michael and I leave for India soon and I am thankful I was able to see my family one last time at my grandma's funeral. I have a lot to be thankful for... my friends, my family, my husband, and my Savior. I'm thankful that when I prayed for my family to come to know Jesus, God opened his heart to me in sharing that burden. He loves them more than I could ever imagine. He is near to the brokenhearted and He is a God who is moved by our heart.

Thank you for my grandma, Lord. Thank you for Jesus and all the answered prayers found in Him. And thank you for the image of my grandmother walking beside you in your Holy Kingdom. You are so good.

An Experience Vs. An Investment

Jerky from Wray & Gwen: always a welcome package to find on our doorstep.

Michael and I spent the week before last in Houston with my family. As expected, it was a bittersweet time for me. You can never spend enough time with those you love before you say goodbye.

A month from tomorrow we will be moving to India. I have to stop when I say that because it's still so incredible to me. When I look back on my life I don't believe I ever once entertained the idea of living in another country -- let alone India.

Backpacking through Europe? You bet. Moving to India for a year or more? Not even on the radar.

But Westerners have always been drawn to the East. We have these caricatures of entire societies made up of belly dancing girls, snake charmers, elephant-riding sultans, endless varieties of exotic spices, and all other lures of the orient.

And I guess those ideas aren't created in a vacuum. But popping in and out of a culture for a few experiential trinkets is a lot different that setting your down roots in one.

I think there is a lot of room for romanticizing and setting up false expectations (it is India we're talking about after all). When you watch shows like "House Hunter's International" you get excited for these couples moving to Bulgaria, Rome, South Africa, or wherever. But you never get to see if ten years down the road their investment paid off. You only get to see their initial experiences.

The difference in moving to another culture for an experience verses going to make an investment simply boils down to the difference between a contractual mindset verses a covenantal mindset. Or to put it not-so-nicely: Moving for selfish reasons verses moving for selfless reasons.

Really, if you think about it, whether it's a new box of markers or a new romance, anything new is exciting to us. But 'new' inevitable becomes 'old' and it's at that point the immature and superficial leave. The mature and steady will push through and remain.

A contractual mindset thinks in terms of conditions and (usually) personal conveniences:

• "If he cheats on me, I'll divorce him." 
• "If I have to write a twenty-five page paper for this class, I'll drop it."
• "If I don't get that raise, I'm quitting."
• "If I get tired of India, I'll just move back home."

But a covenant mindset has no terms or limitations; it completely negates the "if" in the equation:

• "No matter if cheats me, I'll get help, but I will stand by his side until the end."
• "No matter if I have to write a twenty-five page paper for this class, I will give it my best and complete the task." 
• "No matter if I don't get that raise, I will continue to perform my responsibilities as well as, if not better, than before."
• "No matter if I get tired of India, I will remember I'm not here for me, I'm here for a purpose that is yet to be accomplished."

My own "work and creativity zone".

In short, a contractual mindset doesn't have to cost you anything. But a a covenant mindset will always cost you something, if not eventually everything.

There is a lot of novelty to India.... but there's a lot to be frustrated by also. If we want to endure things for the long haul, we have to look at India as an investment. Just like in financial markets, there will be losses in our emotional, spiritual and physical "markets", but the long-term yields eternal dividends.

It's exciting to think about finding a flat in Delhi and romanticize the expatriate life. But what will we do six months into it when the routine sets in? What happens when we wake up homesick and realize things break, the food tastes bad, and the traffic sucks?

We'll remember that India is more than just a temporal experience. India is an eternal investment.

India is God's investment, and God's credit is good. God is so sure this investment will pay off that he's given us his Son's inheritance in advance. What a rich and generous a Father we have!

Do you catch yourself jumping from one "high" to the next? Which mindset (contractual or covenantal) do you think is the most prevalent here in America?

Obedience Has Nothing To Do With You

I'll just come out and say that for the past couple months I've lacked passion in my relationship with God. It's not that I haven't had much to be thankful for or that there haven't been amazing things God is doing in my life, but we all go through times where it can feel like we're just going through the motions.

I think it's really important to remember a few things when we enter "seasons" like this:

1. It's not about you. It's about Jesus.
2. Obedience is not based on your emotions or circumstances.
3. You have a job to do and the world doesn't pause until you feel passionate about fulfilling the Great Commission again.

I've noticed that whenever I get in these places, 100% of the time it's my fault. Somewhere along the line I started thinking more about me than God. And my prayers will reflect that shift in focus: "I'm sorry God, I just don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just be more loving? I don't know why I can't just be obedient and read my bible more. I feel like such a lousy servant." Me, me, me, whine, whine, whine.

At some point, when I'm done throwing my little pity-party, a light bulb will go off and I'll remember a truth I forgot: It's not about me. It's about Jesus.

It shouldn't matter if I woke up late, spilled coffee on favorite shirt, ran out of deodorant and have a run in my hose. Obedience isn't dependent on my mood or circumstances. This world and everything in it was created by and through and for Jesus, and if He says love thy neighbor, then it's my responsibility to do it. Jesus is the main character, not Ashley Crist. He is who my focus and attention should be on. Paul explains in his letter to the Galatians:

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal  2:20)

Again, who here is the center of the Story? Me or Jesus? It's a "no duh" that the Old Ashley is disobedient and naturally self-focused. The Old Ashley will probably never want to sacrifice her time for others or want to obey the Great Commission. And if there had been some way for the Old Ashley to be repaired, Jesus wouldn't have crucified her in His body two thousand years ago:

"Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with [Jesus] in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin." (Rom 6:3-6) 

The Old Ashley was crucified with Christ, but now the New Ashley has been resurrected and her life is now hidden in Him. There is no more of this: "I don't want to do that." There is only: "Christ in me, I shall!" Me has been taken entirely out of the equation, there is only Jesus the Christ. Jesus is my righteousness. I put on Jesus and everything that's in and apart of Him, is in and apart of me. His blood is my blood. His DNA is my DNA. His works are my works. His passions are my passions. "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." (Jn 15:5)

"For the death [Jesus] died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. 

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but grace. 

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaved of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free form sin, have become slaves of righteousness." (Rom 6:10-18)

That means I'm not running this show. Jesus isn't working on my terms. I'm working on his. I am a slave to Righteousness, not a slave to sin. I don't get to run red lights just because I'm having a bad day, and neither do I get to ignore the Great Commission because I feel like it. I'm no longer entitled even my own life. I surrendered my rights, my very life the moment I said "yes" to Jesus. I entered into a covenant with the Son of God that says: "You are both Lord and Savior and my life is yours, I am your bond servant. I will live my life bringing Glory to your Name." A covenant is not based on conditionals like a contract. Just because I do not like something or have found some "irreconcilable difference" does not allow me to walk away from my relationship with the Lord. "It's no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

The world is waiting for this to hit home. Shall I turn the hungry away because I (Old Ashley) would rather play video games? Shall I say "no" to the poor because I (Old Ashley) would rather spend time at the pool with friends? Shall I not read my bible or pray because I'm not "feeling the presence" of the Lord? No! Did Jesus turn away his followers while He was yet in mourning over his cousin John's execution? No, until the very end, he denied his very divinity. God in the flesh was spit upon by his own people. The Creator was humiliated, rejected and crucified by His own creation. And in return he poured out His blood, His life, His very love all for them.

The sick, the hungry, the destitute are waiting and dying every day. Who is going to them? Who is going to share Jesus with them? Can I deny them simply because it's inconvenient or emotionally taxing? Before Jesus was arrested, He spent the night sweating blood in a garden and asking the Father for another way - if it was the Father's will. You think that wasn't inconvenient for him? You think Jesus enjoyed being slapped in the face by the children of His beloved Abraham? He bore the sins of entire world in His body on the cross. You think He didn't spend the last hours of his life in utter agony, sorrow and grief? So if the Son of God endured such torment as He did, what makes us, His servants, think we're somehow exempt from the same treatment?

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil 2:5-8)

While we were enemies, Jesus the Christ died for us. Not out of some emotional high he was experiencing, but out of obedience to the Father. He didn't wait to "feel" like it was time to be crucified. He made himself nothing so that the Father could exalt Him above everything. So there is no "me" or "you" in the picture. There is only Jesus. And Jesus commanded us to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons - regardless of whether you're being wrecked by the Holy Spirit or just going through the motions.

The Gospel of John shares the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. In this, Jesus gave them an incredibly accurate and effective summary of the past three years of His ministry on earth. Jesus lived in complete obedience to the Father and so displayed the purest and most abandoned form of servitude. Then he tells the disciples they are expected to go and do likewise: "You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you." (Jn 13:13-15) Notice he doesn't say, "Well, I mean, only serve when you have time in between church and lunch at Luby's. Or if you're feeling up to it."

It' not my will, but His will be done. Period.

Who will count the cost and count Him more worthy? Who will be obedient despite themselves? Who will be made a fool in the eyes of the world to be counted as wise in the eyes of the Father?